Posted In The Most Sincerity of Love

Everyone experiences a moment of clarity, even if it doesn’t last very long. I might be 42 right now, but 11 years ago when the devastation in the loss of lives happened, I was still maturing in my adulthood. This was before even knowing what an Empath was. It didn’t help that I saw and watched TV for days (when I wasn’t working) and compounded my grief and horror far longer than I should have subjected myself to do.

At that time, I had only been at this job for a year, so I knew the people, but I was still in the infancy of my career. I was less than a mile from work when the news came over the radio. I think I drove that short distance with my mouth open confused and dazed. On the radio they were also confused and the manner in which the spoke only added fuel to mass confusion. I pulled into a parking spot (still can remember which one to this day) and sat there for a few minute. I had to collect myself.

Upon entering the front office, it was eerily quiet and I stumbled my way to my desk, rushing to log on and to bring up the internet. What I didn’t know there were other coworkers in a room watching the TV in horror. I think I sat at my desk and cried all day.

One of my friend’s daughters worked in the towers. I had to get ahold of him to make sure that she was OK. I got ahold of him but he couldn’t get ahold of her. He lived in Florida and of course she in New York. It was HOURS before I received an email that she was fine and he was relieved, as was I.

The other person that I contacted (via email) was my friend in Ireland. Of course, he emailed me right away and asked if I was OK. Physically yes, emotionally, he was diligent in expressing his sorrows and heartache, someone so far away feeling all the loss that was felt here in the states.

The next month was pretty wrenching. There wasn’t a channel you could turn to that didn’t have information, photos, video, etc. I had a terrible time moving on because I not only felt my own sorrow; I felt THOUSANDS and thousands of people and their hurts and sorrows. Now, for not understand what the heck was going on with me in the first place, it nearly killed me.

Then, I met (via email) a man named Remi. His fiancé had perished that day and he was battling the mental fight for his life. I believe he found me, but we started emailing back and forth that lasted for several years after 9-11-01. He would tell me about how his day had gone, the emotions he was going through, and his dark thoughts of suicide. I believe we emailed each other almost every day, and like life, the emails got smaller and less frequent. Eventually they faded off all together.

During our emails, it appears to me now, that we needed each other. We didn’t know very much personal information about each other, but that didn’t matter. It was two people helping each other. There were no physical rewards, we would never meet, and we would never even exchange photos of each other. It was as if our paths had crossed for a specific reason, our odds of even finding each other, beyond astronomical.

In looking back now, I am able recognize that he might have been there for me (stop wallowing in my pity as it is minute compared to others) but I was there for him. I honestly believe that in me listening to him, sharing with him, talking to and crying for him, it helped him to be able to move on. He didn’t want anything from me except friendship.

I’m surprised I didn’t see it then, but even being a cancer survivor, I honestly believe now that most important purpose on this planet is to help, to help Heal, to strengthen tender souls. I didn’t just decide one day that I am a Healer, or that I am an Empath. It took years of me basically ignoring it or thinking it was just something weird about me.  I do have a purpose and it is grand in comparison to the rest of my life.

I remember this day every year, my heart hurts, some for myself, but mostly for others. I still get the twinge of thousands and their pain, but it’s less powerful now. That’s why, when people like Ann Coulter say horrible things about 911 survivors, she has absolutely NO clue. Not only is her soul bitter, but she only feels complete and important when she’s making others made and hurt from her statements.

I truly hope that Remi has moved on and found happiness again. I would love to communicate with him again and get the chance to see what he looks like. Some of our last writings included the statement that he wanted to move to Maryland and change careers (From IT to something that allowed him to travel). I also hope he found love again, and is living a wonderful life that he (and really that every single one of us) deserves.

Sending you all love and comfort on this day, I hope you can feel it from where ever you are, and know and understand that you deserve it.

<3

Sharing with you...

Even though I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I’ve been doing a lot of mental exploration both consciously and subconsciously. Last night was no different; I have been experiencing some epiphanies that are small yet valuable to my very existence. I don’t think they are just valuable to me, I think they are pertinent to each and every individual that has any cognitive curiosities of their own.

I honestly believe the hardest part of writing about these experiences is verbalizing exactly how the events/situations took place and who I related them to my quest for knowledge and a life of happiness.

Every level of our awareness can potentially provide key manifestations to our thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Often times we are moving so quickly through our lives, wishing away day after day, that we don’t invest crucial time in investigating our own problem solving skills. We allow immediate resolutions to command our daily outcome, rush through the hours without absorbing even the smallest particle of what could possibly be our own butterfly theory.

Case in point, I am not a summer person. To me, summer is an inconvenience, I don’t function well in the heat, I don’t like to go outside and explore, so my personal coexistence with nature is very limited. If I lived near a clean water ocean, sea or lake, that would be a different story (even though I am petrified of fish-yes, I know but I’ve seen River Monsters and at least it’s not something weird like pickles!).

I do utilize the time I spend indoors to the maximum extent, and never ever exclaim that I am bored. To be bored would mean that you are limiting yourself in things you could be doing, and there are infinite projects that could simply entertain your personality.  I’m sure that hit a sore spot, on saying we should never be bored, but, we really shouldn’t. We should be surrounding ourselves with information and knowledge concerning what interests us. We shouldn’t be limiting it to just one entertainment either. There are days I have so many projects in my head that I become ADD and feel like a cat chasing the laser light across the house, but I’m never bored. I might be tired, I might be ill, I might even be emotional, but I am never bored, none of us should be.

So, I know that when the cooler weather comes around, I will be spending a lot more quality time with nature, reintroducing myself to her, gathering, photographing, walking the dogs and camping, the possibilities are endless. The cooler to colder months are my most looked forward to times. My house is often cluttered, laundry is neglected more so than usual, but I am in my happy place and that is something to look forward to, as long as I don’t wish away the hot days, the weekdays or even the work hours.  Time to again slow down and appreciate the moments we have now.

One of the events that took place was astral traveling to another, I can only assume, planet or plain of existence. I myself have never seen the northern lights in person, only in beautiful majestic photos that induce my imagination to run wild. Last night, I was in a place that had stars so low to the ground you could touch them, they were very warm but didn’t burn, they were bright and lit a night sky. The atmosphere was breathable however; the gravity force was far different than what we experience here. With your mind, you could manipulate the space around you to conform to your body as if you were lying back in a hammock. At any moment if you needed to rest, you would “think” up a thickened space around you, simply crawl up into it and only be about five feet from the ground. If you needed the surrounding stars to be not so bright, you would also create a shade with that same thickened airspace and it would dim or block all of the light.

There were other creatures (although they didn’t look like creatures, more like spiritual beings) that were walking around (the ground almost resembled that of wet beach sand only not cold or slippery) and there were others that had created this pocket of comfort (that’s the only reason I figured it out). The emotional feelings there were comfort, serenity, contentment, all living in the moment existence. When I wasn’t “sleeping” or as they expressed it to me “revitalizing” I was taking courses on their methods of living, I was exploring, gathering, and overall sharing an existence that seemed like a short life time, when really I was probably there only a matter of an hour our time. I didn’t have any wants, except to learn more, there was no need for an exchange of currency, it was a very basic paradise of sorts functioning on coexisting, with intent of sharing, not feeding the need for competition. The process of extending your mind in all of its abilities was also the theme for this possible planetary adventure.

I remember when I first became aware of being there, and the stars were so small yet so powerful, I was overwhelmed a bit with the fact that I (and every single one of us in existence in this entire Universe) am so very small. We see it, we try to fathom it, but until you truly “get it”, it doesn’t stimulate all of the other quests to discover what we truly are.

Another situation that has encouraged me to write about it is the fact that while I’m astral traveling, if I haven’t actually arrived to a destination, there are so many other beings that can see me. They can see that very part of me that is not my physical self, and while people here on earth (in their physical state) often judge, bond with their clique, and are closed minded to anyone else having any talents, skills or gifts, these beings recognize all that is special within us. Sometimes, their intensions are less than pleasant or positive as well, but I usually encounter the beings and spirits that cherish our very being and somehow advocate for us to rely on the positive and energetic part of our souls, instead of feeding our ego, or allowing the bad and hurtful to be given away or displayed.

In other words, they are encouraging us to change our method of presentation to raise our own awareness and vibrations. Communication is far more than voicing words, its actual energies we give off every day, some can be seen, and some can only be felt. We have the potential of moving into a different state of consciousness where is a language we don’t physical hear, it becomes a spiritual intercourse of structured and organized expressions and vibrations. Since I was a child, I recognized that I could do this, but have you ever had an entire conversation with someone solely in an eye lock? Even if it’s someone you don’t know, locking eyes with them and feeling everything they feel, suddenly knowing things about them they’ve never told you, all within a matter of mere moments? Try it sometime, hopefully you can find a willing participant, on the train, bus, waiting in line, whatever occasion arises. Rely on your own intuition and spirit. I think you will be surprised.

Look, I’m not trying to say I have all of the answers, obviously since I’m just now (at the tender age of 42) starting to figure these things out. But I wanted to share this with you, the readers. I’m not asking you to change your faith, traditions or upbringing. I’m trying to encourage you to discover things about you that are not obvious to the rest of humanity. Explore your Universe; learn what can create an existence that is satisfying. If this is possibly only one of your lifetime existences, why not make this the one where you crack codes, move to another level of your being. I am extending my nurturing tendencies to others that have come to a realization, and even come to me with questions of what their reason for being here is. Doesn’t everyone deserve that opportunity? Even someone who might be so horrid and self-absorbed? 

The rights we have on this planet are existent only on this planet. We have true entitlements that are not written in stone, they need only to be discovered and treated with decency and respect, then shared so that others can utilize and appreciate them as well.

Happy Tuesday! <3

Lies will catch up to you

It might not be today, or tomorrow, but they will.

For someone, they already are.

Finally, people are seeing that it wasn't me.

I feel so elated and .. happy!

Human Memory

 The ability to understand, store and retrieve information, what a technical and extremely complex process of engagement this is for our two to three pound brain to endure, not just once or twice, but daily.

While I am fascinated with all aspects of this procedure, today I feel like focusing on the retrieval area, as I have been not only having nostalgic in my thought process, but I have been experiencing memories in lucid dreams and even astral travel as of late.

Memory triggers, we all have them. There are two ways our brain achieves accessing memories, recognition and recall. *Recognition is the association of an event or physical object with one previously experienced or encountered, and involves a process of comparison of information with memory, e.g. recognizing a known face, true/false or multiple choice questions, etc. Recognition is a largely unconscious process.*

That statement to me reads a trigger. Recall of course means for to consciously think to bring something forth, passwords, names, information concerning work, family, friends, etc. When nostalgic, I find in my own personal experiences, that smell, is the first to trigger a memory, not always but in most cases yes. The next is sound, more likely a song, the sound of a voice, or even an object, school bell, sprinklers in the summertime, birds in the morning, etc.

While, I enjoy revisiting events from the past, I do love living in the here and now. I think a dash of both add to the spice of life. I don’t think I fully agree with forgetting the past to move on with your future. Some of the things we experienced taught us something, and utilizing that for our future is a healthy action. I don’t expect harboring ill will and hurt feelings to be a part of your permanent learning curve, but I do expect people to process through the hurt, let it run its due course, then utilize what you’ve learned to help prevent it in the here and now.

So back to memories, one of my most often experienced memories is of my paternal grandmother. She and I were very close. She was beyond sweet and giving, and she cared for everyone and everything. When I smell Petrichor, I think of her the most. She lived in Georgia and when the musty rain smell would penetrate outside of her house (dry earth, trees, leaves) I loved the way I felt bonded with nature, and it helped that my Cherokee grandmother expressed many pleasures through nature with me. I realize that all of that above narrows down to enjoying the smell of bacteria and spores, but that is what is amazing about it, that distinct smell invokes an amazing memory of my grandmother, and I wouldn’t trade any part of that for the world.

Sometimes, my favorite method of living in the past is listening to music from the time I savor. I understand I am not the only one that does this, but there are times that people wonder why I listen to the music that I do. Twenty years from now, my son will be saying “They don’t make music like they used to”. He does listen to some of what I like, but he follows more along the lines for what my husband listened to. I lavish in the love songs, something that makes you think and produces romantic or longing feelings, while they enjoy that which creates and stirs a fire. I think most of us can agree that in the 70’s and 80’s there were barely any voices ran through dozens of synthesizers or filters, back then the words had meaning and truly talented people were in front of the microphone. Examples?

Hearing the song “Cars” by Gary Numan creates the fun memory of roller skating in Cindy Jackson’s garage.

“Nights Are Forever Without You” by England Dan & John Ford Coley, make remember camping out at Little Lake Alice, daydreaming of who I thought I would grow up to marry.

“Baker Street” reminds me of when I was a kid, and I had bought this tiny baking set (Not real of course) and hearing this song over and over again while making (flour/water/salt) play dough and pretending to be a baker. (yes, I know, but deal with it LOL)

Hearing the song “Private Eyes” by Hall & Oats, reminds me of realizing my possible dream of becoming a dance choreographer was NOT a wise idea, as we were to make an exercise/work out dance, and that is the song we chose. This was in 7^th grade, and while I’d been in dance most of my life prior to that, it was very obvious that I did not flourish in that line of work (yes, even at the ripe age of 12).

“Eye in the Sky” by The Alan Parson’s Project reminds me of buying baby fish at Gibson’s in Alliance, Nebraska with Susan Soprano and majorly crushing on her older brother (I was what 11?)

My list is long, I will not bore you.

Then of course are sights that activate memories. Driving by an old school, an old house, seeing a name or face from the past. Those of course always, at some time or another, instigate thoughts of what you .. remember… about them.

 So, now, what are some of YOUR fondest memories? What triggers them? I truly would LOVE to know!

 *http://www.human-memory.net/processes_recall.html

Sending you love and sweet memories! <3

I have one in the works

But I keep changing what I'm typing. 


Things I miss:

• Snowy days
• Groceries in paper bags
• Spending hours in the library
• Needing to wear footed jammies on a Saturday morning
• The Public pool in the summer time
• Waking up early Summer mornings and listening to the birds chirp
• Taking photos the first day of school
• Playing "Spin the Bottle"
• Friends coming to crash at my house because they'd had too much to drink
• Nerves from a first date
• Camping at Little Lake Alice
• Going to a carnival
• Going to school
• Going to "Scotty's" and getting a cinnamon Coke
• Saving up $14.99 in pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters for a slip-n-slide
• Sitting in bean bags in front of the fire place
• Driving to Cheyenne for Christmas
• Stopping at little restaurant (where you called your  order in on a phone at the table) in Kimball, Nebraska
• Going to Dairy King to get Wagon Wheels 
• Creeping ourselves out threatening to go to the "Lights"
• Going to the lake and being out late under the moonlight with cute boys (lol yeah yeah)

Just a few of my favorite memories!

Society as a Whole

I am not perfect, nor am I the only personal that is correct in assumptions or answers. I merely share my opinion, visions, thoughts, and intuition on situations.


I woke up to the tragedy of the theatre shootings. I have already mediated on this issue for a bit and have decided to write up here what I see going on. I have seen too many "fights" already on FB and just not willing to participate there.


First, let me express that this is a tragedy. I can't help but feel the horrible hurt, anger and sadness that the family members of the wounded and murdered friends and family. I am destined to send them Healing off and on all day today.


There of course are going to be the Pro-Gun and the Anti-Gun people at it. Whichever you feel, that system is broken along with many other systems in this country. Acknowledge that instead of throwing into the face of an opponent opinion what your beliefs are. Posting a sign of understanding at the front of the buildings entrance would not have stopped this occurrence either. I realize that there could have easily been other people there with guns to "protect" themselves, but obviously it wasn't an option. Even if you would have had a gun, your chances of not shooting someone else to get to him were at least 1/50? So think about it, it's not about more or less guns, more or less laws. That system proves to be a failure on the human nature.


This kid, he is smart. If he weren't smart, he wouldn't have been studying for his PhD in neuroscience. Neuroscience is very detailed in it's agenda. So, he wasn't stupid. While meditating on it, I did get the message that there is some mental illness involved. This country, not only shuns mental illness but neglects it. He is the perfect age for his mental illness to swing into full action. Let it be known, I am NOT making excuses for him. I, with every other single person in this country, do not know all of the details of his life. His mother might have the most idea, but with him having only a speeding ticket last year, it's not like his life is noted in the records of our penal system. Maybe the judgement of his actions need to be left to the authorities and eye witnesses of those that have been traumatized by his actions.


I am very concerned however, as to why a 3 month old infant was present in a movie theater at that time of night. Our economy should not be an excuse for not being able to afford a babysitter. If they could not afford one, then maybe they needed to be mature and responsible financially and wait until they could, or it came out on video. Improvising is a good thing, but only when it makes sense. In this case, I've been in a theater when someone has brought their infant with them. It's not fair to the infant (comforts of home) nor anyone sitting around them. Did these parents know this was going to happen? Of course not. Is Batman the movie appropriate for a six year old? No, the rated PG-13. The decision of these parents was theirs alone and I don't agree with it. 


In the wake of this horrible situation, we have to allow ourselves and others to focus on the good that has/can/and will come out of this. You say "What good has come out of this?" Well, for one, they have him in custody. He could have gotten away and would have been on the loose to possibly harm others, correct? They have a suspect, it would be worse if we didn't have a clue on who did this act. Every day people present at the theater when this happened, became true heros, unlike the one being portrayed on the screen. There will be friendships created, situations studied and families pulled tighter together. 


We need to step aside from our egos, and follow through with each other for comfort and support so that we can leave the bickering behind us. Our first instinct is to make others hurt for our hurting or confusion. Put your conspiracy theories away too, that shows very little respect for anyone that was involved. That is definitely not the answer. Take this opportunity to be there for someone who needs it. Donate blood. Light a candle, pray, do what ever you do that helps your heart to heal. One of the largest and most important lessons to learn in life is that helping others, truly helping them, generally makes us feel good and helps us as well. 


May you all be safe and feel comfort in the rest of your day. My heart and much healing goes out to those hurting by this horrible event. <3

One Word

Karma! <3