If you would have talked to me say, two years ago, I would have told you that there were many aspects of my life that were much better than they had been.
There was still a lot of hurt and anger that existed, but, there were people that were trying to tell me that, show me that. They weren't trying to hurt my feelings, they were trying to get through to me. I could have sworn though that I had it handled, at that time, well, I didn't.
Someone had stolen a rug from under my feet, it just happened to be while I was standing there. Battered and bruised I was still alive, and I had friends that realized what had happened, but there were people that had once been in my life that were no longer there. Some without explanation, and some, well, they trusted someone else that fed them lies. This would be the same said person that pulled the rug from directly under my feet. How impressionable some people were.
Looking back, while I was very hurt and somewhat confused on where alliances would lie, sometimes I neglected to look directly in front of me. There were people standing there smiling and waving, a perfect indication that they were not fooled by the events that took place, a gentle reminder that they were not going anywhere, they were here to stay. Explaining what that meant to me on this blog can do some justice, but cannot sufficiently do the job. At least not in one sitting, not while the wine has loosened my tongue, my mind and opened my spirit. But I will
try.
People all over the internet have been expressing what they are thankful for the last 22 days. Well, I'm thankful for those that stuck by me. They have continued to pull through in their steadfast affiliation with me. Then I look at those that broke their ties with me. While angry, I called them sheeple and Kool-aid drinkers. It's easier to throw around words when one is hurt.
However, some of them were placed in a very awkward place, not by myself, as I never told anyone that they had to defriend said person mentioned above. They were bullied and guilted (and some are still being treated this way by an almost 50 year old woman) about true friendship and how could they possibly remain my friend? Followed by more lies and more bullying. She is still doing this. She is using people, then tossing them aside. When she either doesn't need them or is afraid of them exposing the true "her", she begins the process. I don't believe that any of them cause her such anger and worry as I did, that they can be thankful for.
So, it's been two and a half years since "the big event". The longer it passes, the more I find out that her ways did not just effect me. That in itself was a very selfish determination back then. Some of those that she bullied into "choosing sides" were used and treated poorly as well. I see that part now. Why she decides to lie and control some, but not others throws a lot of us off. I guess I'm kind of sorry to those that are still being manipulated and controlled by her. Maybe they don't care, now, but will later. Just like the rest of us that "suffered her wrath" they will have to learn their lesson. Sadly.
Someone came to me the other day. She did not grovel, she did not rush to me immediately. She took her time, didn't mention names (even though I knew exactly who she was talking about) and said that she had to recently remove some people from her life. She apologized for making the choice that she did and felt badly. She mentioned that she didn't expect me to forgive her and forget. Her email was very sincere. I knew her demeanor before the "event" so I knew that she had not only thought about it but wasn't jumping the gun to run back.
Unfortunately, she had been manipulated. I had sent her a message that stated the following:
There are going to be a lot of assumptions and rumors going around. Please just know you are the sweetest person I know. L and have split ways. It wasn't pretty. Just know I am a very nice person.
*HUGS*Melissa
At that time, she expressed that she was sorry it had ended, but then that was the last I had heard from her for a few years. That made me sad but I kind of had expected it at the time. At least until the other day. I did tell her that I had to think about things. I would be foolish if I rushed into letting her back in without thinking things over.
But I did, and I think I kind of surprised her. I was the same person she had left, and I wasn't mean to her. I can't say that I would be that forgiving or even understanding to some of the other people that left me. Some of them left in a manner of another sort (less than adult or maturity). It wasn't so stealth like. It was rather cruelly, even under their "positivity", which by the way is and was a lie, a show.
Mickey hasn't told me of what has been done to her, only her regrets and apologies. I can respect that and her. I have allowed her back into my life. Actually, it's been fun, and the laughter has been already returned. She knows that with me she will not be made to feel inferior, if she discovers something about herself, I will encourage her, not belittle her, unlike one of the most immature "adults" with false self given titles would. She knows that she will be accepted as a talented friend, not as a threat.
You see, that is how people are coming back to me. That is how I know that in time the truth would come out. Unfortunately, 90% of the people on ParaX are frauds, have cliques and treat other people as inferior dirt. (Let me insert here, I did nothing but promote them, work hard for them and do amazing things for them and they banned me and lied about me as thanks.) They lie about what their talents and gifts are. Notice I said 90%. I know of at least three people that are genuine in their humanity and friendships.
Please be very careful in who you choose to listen to, rely on for truth, or even pledge alliances with for your livelihood. In standing up for myself I was ridiculed, shamed, lied about, thrown under the bus and stabbed in the back. Look here though, I'm still standing, tall, proud, and with many very dedicated, smart, truthful and intelligent friends. Their lies are being revealed as false, people are finding out the real me and discovering (and sharing) the fact.
I would hate to think of others going through this too. I know they are, I know they have. I'm sorry that they had to endure her lies, their deceit. It has made us stronger on the other side, regardless of the struggles in moving forward. It's also not fair for her anger and jealous for me to be taken out on others. For her to be so very self conscious about her weaknesses and lies that she must have control over everything and everyone around her surely should show her deceit, but I digress. She knows who she is in reading this. Those that follow(ed) her also know who they are, and can read this in anger and disgust or can take heed, their decision. None the less, they (and her) must move on and get a life. You see I have mine, and I haven't had to try and remember what lies I have told to which people, as I haven't told any.
I am still, and always have been open for questions from any parties willing (and brave enough) to ask (instead of assume).
A victory in only one of life's lessons, behold. I am humbled.
<3
