Eyes were opened...
Facts were compared...
The truth is known
Sunday, December 2, 2012
With a meeting of several intelligent minds..
Much was learned...
Eyes were opened...
Facts were compared...
Eyes were opened...
Facts were compared...
Monday, November 26, 2012
Please Advise Which is More Hypocritical
Preaching fake positivy, with love and light, or claiming to be a Healer, but gathering your "followers" to make VooDoo dolls to harm those you don't like?
She's really at it again, well her and her "circle/coven".
Little does she know that people are on to her, and protection is being placed on those she insists on torturing with her jealousy and negative intent.
She also doesn't like that I already know what's going on. I've seen it myself.
Meanwhile in OTHER news..our light is shining through, and it feels good!!!
She's really at it again, well her and her "circle/coven".
Little does she know that people are on to her, and protection is being placed on those she insists on torturing with her jealousy and negative intent.
She also doesn't like that I already know what's going on. I've seen it myself.
Meanwhile in OTHER news..our light is shining through, and it feels good!!!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Part of Moving on
If you would have talked to me say, two years ago, I would have told you that there were many aspects of my life that were much better than they had been.
There was still a lot of hurt and anger that existed, but, there were people that were trying to tell me that, show me that. They weren't trying to hurt my feelings, they were trying to get through to me. I could have sworn though that I had it handled, at that time, well, I didn't.
Someone had stolen a rug from under my feet, it just happened to be while I was standing there. Battered and bruised I was still alive, and I had friends that realized what had happened, but there were people that had once been in my life that were no longer there. Some without explanation, and some, well, they trusted someone else that fed them lies. This would be the same said person that pulled the rug from directly under my feet. How impressionable some people were.
Looking back, while I was very hurt and somewhat confused on where alliances would lie, sometimes I neglected to look directly in front of me. There were people standing there smiling and waving, a perfect indication that they were not fooled by the events that took place, a gentle reminder that they were not going anywhere, they were here to stay. Explaining what that meant to me on this blog can do some justice, but cannot sufficiently do the job. At least not in one sitting, not while the wine has loosened my tongue, my mind and opened my spirit. But I will try.
People all over the internet have been expressing what they are thankful for the last 22 days. Well, I'm thankful for those that stuck by me. They have continued to pull through in their steadfast affiliation with me. Then I look at those that broke their ties with me. While angry, I called them sheeple and Kool-aid drinkers. It's easier to throw around words when one is hurt.
However, some of them were placed in a very awkward place, not by myself, as I never told anyone that they had to defriend said person mentioned above. They were bullied and guilted (and some are still being treated this way by an almost 50 year old woman) about true friendship and how could they possibly remain my friend? Followed by more lies and more bullying. She is still doing this. She is using people, then tossing them aside. When she either doesn't need them or is afraid of them exposing the true "her", she begins the process. I don't believe that any of them cause her such anger and worry as I did, that they can be thankful for.
So, it's been two and a half years since "the big event". The longer it passes, the more I find out that her ways did not just effect me. That in itself was a very selfish determination back then. Some of those that she bullied into "choosing sides" were used and treated poorly as well. I see that part now. Why she decides to lie and control some, but not others throws a lot of us off. I guess I'm kind of sorry to those that are still being manipulated and controlled by her. Maybe they don't care, now, but will later. Just like the rest of us that "suffered her wrath" they will have to learn their lesson. Sadly.
Someone came to me the other day. She did not grovel, she did not rush to me immediately. She took her time, didn't mention names (even though I knew exactly who she was talking about) and said that she had to recently remove some people from her life. She apologized for making the choice that she did and felt badly. She mentioned that she didn't expect me to forgive her and forget. Her email was very sincere. I knew her demeanor before the "event" so I knew that she had not only thought about it but wasn't jumping the gun to run back.
Unfortunately, she had been manipulated. I had sent her a message that stated the following:
At that time, she expressed that she was sorry it had ended, but then that was the last I had heard from her for a few years. That made me sad but I kind of had expected it at the time. At least until the other day. I did tell her that I had to think about things. I would be foolish if I rushed into letting her back in without thinking things over.
But I did, and I think I kind of surprised her. I was the same person she had left, and I wasn't mean to her. I can't say that I would be that forgiving or even understanding to some of the other people that left me. Some of them left in a manner of another sort (less than adult or maturity). It wasn't so stealth like. It was rather cruelly, even under their "positivity", which by the way is and was a lie, a show.
Mickey hasn't told me of what has been done to her, only her regrets and apologies. I can respect that and her. I have allowed her back into my life. Actually, it's been fun, and the laughter has been already returned. She knows that with me she will not be made to feel inferior, if she discovers something about herself, I will encourage her, not belittle her, unlike one of the most immature "adults" with false self given titles would. She knows that she will be accepted as a talented friend, not as a threat.
You see, that is how people are coming back to me. That is how I know that in time the truth would come out. Unfortunately, 90% of the people on ParaX are frauds, have cliques and treat other people as inferior dirt. (Let me insert here, I did nothing but promote them, work hard for them and do amazing things for them and they banned me and lied about me as thanks.) They lie about what their talents and gifts are. Notice I said 90%. I know of at least three people that are genuine in their humanity and friendships.
Please be very careful in who you choose to listen to, rely on for truth, or even pledge alliances with for your livelihood. In standing up for myself I was ridiculed, shamed, lied about, thrown under the bus and stabbed in the back. Look here though, I'm still standing, tall, proud, and with many very dedicated, smart, truthful and intelligent friends. Their lies are being revealed as false, people are finding out the real me and discovering (and sharing) the fact.
I would hate to think of others going through this too. I know they are, I know they have. I'm sorry that they had to endure her lies, their deceit. It has made us stronger on the other side, regardless of the struggles in moving forward. It's also not fair for her anger and jealous for me to be taken out on others. For her to be so very self conscious about her weaknesses and lies that she must have control over everything and everyone around her surely should show her deceit, but I digress. She knows who she is in reading this. Those that follow(ed) her also know who they are, and can read this in anger and disgust or can take heed, their decision. None the less, they (and her) must move on and get a life. You see I have mine, and I haven't had to try and remember what lies I have told to which people, as I haven't told any.
I am still, and always have been open for questions from any parties willing (and brave enough) to ask (instead of assume).
A victory in only one of life's lessons, behold. I am humbled.
<3
There was still a lot of hurt and anger that existed, but, there were people that were trying to tell me that, show me that. They weren't trying to hurt my feelings, they were trying to get through to me. I could have sworn though that I had it handled, at that time, well, I didn't.
Someone had stolen a rug from under my feet, it just happened to be while I was standing there. Battered and bruised I was still alive, and I had friends that realized what had happened, but there were people that had once been in my life that were no longer there. Some without explanation, and some, well, they trusted someone else that fed them lies. This would be the same said person that pulled the rug from directly under my feet. How impressionable some people were.
Looking back, while I was very hurt and somewhat confused on where alliances would lie, sometimes I neglected to look directly in front of me. There were people standing there smiling and waving, a perfect indication that they were not fooled by the events that took place, a gentle reminder that they were not going anywhere, they were here to stay. Explaining what that meant to me on this blog can do some justice, but cannot sufficiently do the job. At least not in one sitting, not while the wine has loosened my tongue, my mind and opened my spirit. But I will try.
People all over the internet have been expressing what they are thankful for the last 22 days. Well, I'm thankful for those that stuck by me. They have continued to pull through in their steadfast affiliation with me. Then I look at those that broke their ties with me. While angry, I called them sheeple and Kool-aid drinkers. It's easier to throw around words when one is hurt.
However, some of them were placed in a very awkward place, not by myself, as I never told anyone that they had to defriend said person mentioned above. They were bullied and guilted (and some are still being treated this way by an almost 50 year old woman) about true friendship and how could they possibly remain my friend? Followed by more lies and more bullying. She is still doing this. She is using people, then tossing them aside. When she either doesn't need them or is afraid of them exposing the true "her", she begins the process. I don't believe that any of them cause her such anger and worry as I did, that they can be thankful for.
So, it's been two and a half years since "the big event". The longer it passes, the more I find out that her ways did not just effect me. That in itself was a very selfish determination back then. Some of those that she bullied into "choosing sides" were used and treated poorly as well. I see that part now. Why she decides to lie and control some, but not others throws a lot of us off. I guess I'm kind of sorry to those that are still being manipulated and controlled by her. Maybe they don't care, now, but will later. Just like the rest of us that "suffered her wrath" they will have to learn their lesson. Sadly.
Someone came to me the other day. She did not grovel, she did not rush to me immediately. She took her time, didn't mention names (even though I knew exactly who she was talking about) and said that she had to recently remove some people from her life. She apologized for making the choice that she did and felt badly. She mentioned that she didn't expect me to forgive her and forget. Her email was very sincere. I knew her demeanor before the "event" so I knew that she had not only thought about it but wasn't jumping the gun to run back.
Unfortunately, she had been manipulated. I had sent her a message that stated the following:
There are going to be a lot of assumptions and rumors going around. Please just know you are the sweetest person I know. L and have split ways. It wasn't pretty. Just know I am a very nice person.*HUGS*Melissa
At that time, she expressed that she was sorry it had ended, but then that was the last I had heard from her for a few years. That made me sad but I kind of had expected it at the time. At least until the other day. I did tell her that I had to think about things. I would be foolish if I rushed into letting her back in without thinking things over.
But I did, and I think I kind of surprised her. I was the same person she had left, and I wasn't mean to her. I can't say that I would be that forgiving or even understanding to some of the other people that left me. Some of them left in a manner of another sort (less than adult or maturity). It wasn't so stealth like. It was rather cruelly, even under their "positivity", which by the way is and was a lie, a show.
Mickey hasn't told me of what has been done to her, only her regrets and apologies. I can respect that and her. I have allowed her back into my life. Actually, it's been fun, and the laughter has been already returned. She knows that with me she will not be made to feel inferior, if she discovers something about herself, I will encourage her, not belittle her, unlike one of the most immature "adults" with false self given titles would. She knows that she will be accepted as a talented friend, not as a threat.
You see, that is how people are coming back to me. That is how I know that in time the truth would come out. Unfortunately, 90% of the people on ParaX are frauds, have cliques and treat other people as inferior dirt. (Let me insert here, I did nothing but promote them, work hard for them and do amazing things for them and they banned me and lied about me as thanks.) They lie about what their talents and gifts are. Notice I said 90%. I know of at least three people that are genuine in their humanity and friendships.
Please be very careful in who you choose to listen to, rely on for truth, or even pledge alliances with for your livelihood. In standing up for myself I was ridiculed, shamed, lied about, thrown under the bus and stabbed in the back. Look here though, I'm still standing, tall, proud, and with many very dedicated, smart, truthful and intelligent friends. Their lies are being revealed as false, people are finding out the real me and discovering (and sharing) the fact.
I would hate to think of others going through this too. I know they are, I know they have. I'm sorry that they had to endure her lies, their deceit. It has made us stronger on the other side, regardless of the struggles in moving forward. It's also not fair for her anger and jealous for me to be taken out on others. For her to be so very self conscious about her weaknesses and lies that she must have control over everything and everyone around her surely should show her deceit, but I digress. She knows who she is in reading this. Those that follow(ed) her also know who they are, and can read this in anger and disgust or can take heed, their decision. None the less, they (and her) must move on and get a life. You see I have mine, and I haven't had to try and remember what lies I have told to which people, as I haven't told any.
I am still, and always have been open for questions from any parties willing (and brave enough) to ask (instead of assume).
A victory in only one of life's lessons, behold. I am humbled.
<3
Thursday, November 15, 2012
(Unpublished 2-1-2011) hehehe Bitter, table for one ;)
ma·tu·ri·ty
[muh-choo
r-i-tee, -toor-, -tyoor-, -chur-] 
Show IPA
–noun
1. the state of being mature; ripeness: The fruit will reach maturity in a few days.
2. full development; perfected condition: maturity of judgment; to bring a plan to maturity.
When you assume and run, then hide, your are guilty. It is very apparent that there are persons with lack of self confidence and maturity surrounding certain communities. You have just proven your guilt in accepting someone's word or brainwashing without even asking the other person involved.
That is fine, truly it is. Was I hurt? oh yes. You might have won the battle.. but not the war. Amazing all the things that were done (for you), nice things, hard work, money spent, time spent, all thrown away because of ONE person (who doesn't even KNOW how to have a friendship without trying to control it). Yes, one person, has the ability to lie and conceal, and wants to be something they are not.
Wait, how old are you again?
Try being a mature adult for once. IF you think something (in my writing) is about you? How about asking me first? How about talking it out? I might not be positive 100% of the time, but NO one is unless you are Mother Theresa or Ghandi, and I can promise you in a HUGE way you will NEVER be either of those amazing people. Ever.
By the way, love and light and positivity, does NOT include the follow actions or statements:
Be positive enough to piss people off (that's awesome.. Did mother Theresa say that first?)
Letting people do ALL things for you and still
Absorbing all that concerns me..
(Unpublished April 21, 2011)
I am sitting here and I'm watching my kids. They have done wonders with very little. In my "previous' life, there were people that felt they needed to judge my kids and their life, because of their personal beliefs, possibly their inability to have children of their own, or whatever reason they deemed necessary. They were also the people that spread gossip, barked their beliefs out loud then pointed their pudgy little fingers calling everyone else white trash. Those people, they don't matter.. at all.. really to anyone. IF they only knew the people laughing and pointing at them now.
Spending time here has been serene. There's been kisses and laughter, good food, fun times, and memories. I can smile and remember every ounce of my seconds here. I have learned perseverance is key in so many aspects of life. In your personal life, in your relationships, in your beliefs.. think about it. After spending precious moments with my son, daughter and grandson, I feel I can accomplish anything. Hurtful words people have (and still do) whisper behind my back, they are mere words, they are expressions of their lack of confidence, their lack of maturity and shows their infantile demeanor.
I am sitting here and I'm watching my kids. They have done wonders with very little. In my "previous' life, there were people that felt they needed to judge my kids and their life, because of their personal beliefs, possibly their inability to have children of their own, or whatever reason they deemed necessary. They were also the people that spread gossip, barked their beliefs out loud then pointed their pudgy little fingers calling everyone else white trash. Those people, they don't matter.. at all.. really to anyone. IF they only knew the people laughing and pointing at them now.
Spending time here has been serene. There's been kisses and laughter, good food, fun times, and memories. I can smile and remember every ounce of my seconds here. I have learned perseverance is key in so many aspects of life. In your personal life, in your relationships, in your beliefs.. think about it. After spending precious moments with my son, daughter and grandson, I feel I can accomplish anything. Hurtful words people have (and still do) whisper behind my back, they are mere words, they are expressions of their lack of confidence, their lack of maturity and shows their infantile demeanor.
The Joys of Astral Travel
(Unpublished from April 29, 2012)
Lately, I've been traveling to this little cottage. It's not a dream, as I can smell it, feel it, manipulate it. It's very small, and the ambiance is dark
Lately, I've been traveling to this little cottage. It's not a dream, as I can smell it, feel it, manipulate it. It's very small, and the ambiance is dark
Not Patting My Own Back.. But..
(Unpublished from May 12, 2012)
I really do feel great right now. Life is good, things are flowing. I'm happy and I'm sharing all of this with good friends, loving souls, caring family and the best dogs.
I really do feel great right now. Life is good, things are flowing. I'm happy and I'm sharing all of this with good friends, loving souls, caring family and the best dogs.
Something I noticed today
(Unpublished from June 8, 2012)
Music really does invoke memories, just like sights, smells, etc.
Music really does invoke memories, just like sights, smells, etc.
Where to start..
(Unpublished from June 15, 2012- it's like opening presents from last Christmas heheh)
I had an eye-opening dream last night/this morning. I'll be honest, It hit me to the very soul.
I had an eye-opening dream last night/this morning. I'll be honest, It hit me to the very soul.
I haven't blogged in awhile
(Not published from July 8, 2012).. Wow.. Postingpolooza! :D
So it's time for me to sit down and let it all out. Since this page is about my awareness, I think I'll write about that.
Spirituality is a very personal journey. I realize that is a word that is just overused and abused, but, it is a journey. You can only go as fast as you are destined to go. Never let anyone make you feel inferior if you take longer or proceed faster than others. I've known many people that portray it as THEY are the only ones that are correct, know it all, and have all the answers. That is simply not true. Regardless of how confident they appear. You take your steps as you need, to get you to your place of awareness.
Lately, I've been really concentrating the Healing of my knee, but I've also been doing a LOT of Healings (more so than normal). I feel it its because of all that is going on spiritually, metaphysically and the fact that people are going through issues like awakening, loneliness, negative behavior, betrayal.
So it's time for me to sit down and let it all out. Since this page is about my awareness, I think I'll write about that.
Spirituality is a very personal journey. I realize that is a word that is just overused and abused, but, it is a journey. You can only go as fast as you are destined to go. Never let anyone make you feel inferior if you take longer or proceed faster than others. I've known many people that portray it as THEY are the only ones that are correct, know it all, and have all the answers. That is simply not true. Regardless of how confident they appear. You take your steps as you need, to get you to your place of awareness.
Lately, I've been really concentrating the Healing of my knee, but I've also been doing a LOT of Healings (more so than normal). I feel it its because of all that is going on spiritually, metaphysically and the fact that people are going through issues like awakening, loneliness, negative behavior, betrayal.
It's easy to write
(Unsure why this was never published from 9/5/12) :D
A little harder when what you've written is skimmed over.
Within the last week, I've had several people come to me and finally ask me about a situation that happened in 2010. Life is not easy sometimes when you have hurts you have to work through. This society is infamous for instant gratification, if one is hurting, why not either ignore it, lie about it or make like it never happened so that you can not feel the hurt. Why do we insist on skipping over the healing process?
So, finally, I've been over it.
A little harder when what you've written is skimmed over.
Within the last week, I've had several people come to me and finally ask me about a situation that happened in 2010. Life is not easy sometimes when you have hurts you have to work through. This society is infamous for instant gratification, if one is hurting, why not either ignore it, lie about it or make like it never happened so that you can not feel the hurt. Why do we insist on skipping over the healing process?
So, finally, I've been over it.
Is there enough room? I have a lot to "talk" about..
(For some reason, this was never "published" from back in July).. Enjoy. <3
Not sure where to begin. I know I know, from the beginning, but there really isn't a beginning, and most likely no ending in the near future as well.
I have issues, opinions, thoughts, feelings, worries, and I have a right to express them. If you are going to read this, and open your mouth to spew hate, or try and make me look like a fool, no need to reply. Those days are nearly over, including family. The world does not revolve around you so zip it.
I'm aware of people that don't like me. I can't please everyone, and that is fine by me. I love making people happy, and I love to see them smile, but I'm older than 16 so it's OK that I rub some people the wrong way. I think it's amusing that some of them "stick" around for whatever reason. Remove yourself already, it's very obvious that you want to.
So, let's see. I had a dream the other day, that I went to a Jewish funeral/wedding. Odd I know, I thought so too. For some odd reason, I dreamt that all the Jewish mothers refused to look/acknowledge/talk to their daughters and it angered me. A coworker that I never dream about was there, and she was trying to explain to me what was going on. What I didn't know is, a few hours after I dreamed about her, she broke her leg in real life. *facepalm*. I'm amused how quickly all of this is happening to me, but the irony and synchronicities are cracking me up.
So, even more so, I dreamt about the shooting in Aurora. I wasn't there but I felt and saw the chaos. I felt the terror, the darkness, the panic, worry. I don't have the answers, neither do any of you. But the way I saw it, even if someone else had a gun, there would have been no way to shoot at him. It was dark, there was screaming, and my eyes hurt from the tear gas. I'm not saying there's no need for guns, and I'm not asking to have them taken away from the general public. So, stop putting words into the mouths of those that aren't yours. Stop calling people stupid because they don't see things the way you do. Again, it's time for people to pull together, not pull apart. Stop shoving your opinions down everyone else's throat. We get it already.
While I'm writing about the shooting, I agree about the three gentlemen that protected the loves of their lives being heros, but, I think there were more heros there that day. Those that survived and were able to get their families out as well, they deserve recognition as well. Stop long enough to consider the horrors the survivors are going to endure. Activate your Empathy and let go of your ego, long enough to just... consider.
So, lately I have been having memories pop up about people, situations, places, events, you name it, I'm probably thinking about it. Here's a few some of you might understand, most won't. To me, they are glorious.
Not sure where to begin. I know I know, from the beginning, but there really isn't a beginning, and most likely no ending in the near future as well.
I have issues, opinions, thoughts, feelings, worries, and I have a right to express them. If you are going to read this, and open your mouth to spew hate, or try and make me look like a fool, no need to reply. Those days are nearly over, including family. The world does not revolve around you so zip it.
I'm aware of people that don't like me. I can't please everyone, and that is fine by me. I love making people happy, and I love to see them smile, but I'm older than 16 so it's OK that I rub some people the wrong way. I think it's amusing that some of them "stick" around for whatever reason. Remove yourself already, it's very obvious that you want to.
So, let's see. I had a dream the other day, that I went to a Jewish funeral/wedding. Odd I know, I thought so too. For some odd reason, I dreamt that all the Jewish mothers refused to look/acknowledge/talk to their daughters and it angered me. A coworker that I never dream about was there, and she was trying to explain to me what was going on. What I didn't know is, a few hours after I dreamed about her, she broke her leg in real life. *facepalm*. I'm amused how quickly all of this is happening to me, but the irony and synchronicities are cracking me up.
So, even more so, I dreamt about the shooting in Aurora. I wasn't there but I felt and saw the chaos. I felt the terror, the darkness, the panic, worry. I don't have the answers, neither do any of you. But the way I saw it, even if someone else had a gun, there would have been no way to shoot at him. It was dark, there was screaming, and my eyes hurt from the tear gas. I'm not saying there's no need for guns, and I'm not asking to have them taken away from the general public. So, stop putting words into the mouths of those that aren't yours. Stop calling people stupid because they don't see things the way you do. Again, it's time for people to pull together, not pull apart. Stop shoving your opinions down everyone else's throat. We get it already.
While I'm writing about the shooting, I agree about the three gentlemen that protected the loves of their lives being heros, but, I think there were more heros there that day. Those that survived and were able to get their families out as well, they deserve recognition as well. Stop long enough to consider the horrors the survivors are going to endure. Activate your Empathy and let go of your ego, long enough to just... consider.
So, lately I have been having memories pop up about people, situations, places, events, you name it, I'm probably thinking about it. Here's a few some of you might understand, most won't. To me, they are glorious.
Who am I?
Really, who am I to make statements about others?
Everyone is worried about making decisions for someone else. It’s easy to fall into the mindset that our way is the only way, when if you logically think about it, it isn’t. How easily we sink into the role of protector and delegator when it isn’t our job, not always anyway.
Aren’t we truly working on ourselves constantly until the day we die? Not that we are bad or broken, but that we should consider ourselves determined with the option of an upgrade? Computers and programs get upgrades, generally to increase functionality or maybe speed. Just because we implement changes doesn’t mean it’s because we are failures, it can mean we have enough pride in ourselves and what we have been through to get to that point, that we want to invest in our future.
Because one view is not the same as another, doesn’t make either of them wrong, I mean, it can, but, we do not know the steps the other has taken to come to that point. We might surmise that we do, but that is our ego seeping out of our pores. Nothing shows a lack of self-worth like throwing your ego out at someone else trying to make them feel badly (generally as badly as you might feel).
Pride is another emotion that can be taken to the extreme. Everyone should be proud of good (and often hard) work they have performed, no one should take pride to the point of losing contact with reality because then it turns to into arrogance. At some point in our lifetime I think we all have displayed this form of pride. I’m sure instinctively you are saying inside your own mind “Well I know *I* haven’t”. If you think I don’t have my faults, you are wrong. I’d love to pretend that I am perfect in all ways and that people perceive me as so behind a computer screen. Life doesn’t work that way, humans don’t work that way.
It sounds like I’m really bashing on humans, yet, I’m not. Recently, I myself have been hurt by them, felt disappointment by them (because of their actions and attitudes). It really isn’t any of my business on their thoughts and opinions of me. Yes, we all want people to like and accept us (okay, most, some thrive on conflict, entirely different issue) but it’s never going to happen. I can respectively declare that there are actually quite a few people that do not like me (their reasons are their business, not mine) and I’m learning how to deal with that. While in my head I’d like to think I’m the perfect friend, I can safely (and somewhat… comfortably) say that I’m not.
There are people that go far above and beyond their call of humanity. I’d be willing to bet that their day can be made simply by being recognized for a specialty of theirs, something they did (out of the ordinary) or even just someone seeing them as different instead of the normalcy most find comfort in. That part of our ego needs nurturing now and again. This shouldn’t be the concentration of our every though, or the goal of our entire day.
Maybe this is one reason I appreciate and respect my friend Robyn so much. She does not judge, she will tell me when I’m being a dolt, but she will also tell me when she sees something that others don’t. That (by no means) means that she sees a LOT in me that others don’t. Of course, there are others that I simply adore because they are so sweet or so snarky and they contribute their wonderful attributes to my selfish needs (and yes, they are selfish, I’m big enough to admit that). I can’t imagine my life without any of them. Maybe that is why it’s so hard for me to superficially “lose” someone that didn’t mean much to me. I feel that I’m technically losing out on all of the effort I put forth to that particular relationship. Instead I must concentrate on the short period of time I did know them, concentrate on the good parts and move on, it’s as simple as that.
We all have our hurdles. I take things very personally. I have done this since probably the moment that I had cognitive actions. If for one instance, someone believes in their heart that I am not hard-wired that way, well, I can’t convince you otherwise. I can explain that I cannot change it any more than I can change my nationality. I can however change how I react to situations. I am working on it. When I’m upset, I walk away, I clam up, I remove myself from the situation. I hate confrontation and reject someone who tries to control me.
I’ve been called crazy; I’ve been called a psychopath, both by people that well, their mental state and integrity is less than desirable by society, so I kind of discount them, but aren’t we all sometimes fighting those internal battles? How else are we going to struggle to test our limits, discover our faults, and display our human nature? If I look over my entire life, I’m extremely happy. I might not have the most, be the top, or have the best, but I do have amazing things present themselves to me every day. I continually reach further, scrimp tighter, set my goals higher, and it makes me content with my decisions. I might not be your definition of anything important but there are people in my life that look up to me (my son, my grandson, my mother) and know that everything I do is to better myself and help others.
I refuse to use others for my personal gain. I simply reject the idea that we’re all out for ourselves (even though I see that expressed by a lot of people my age and generation), because I know that there are a lot of people out there that want exactly what I want. So I don’t have to please others, even though that little voice tells me I should. I have the power and the ability to try and do both, but discipline myself if I don’t make that accomplishment. None of us are ever going to have the exact same opinion about any one situation. That separation also defines us. However, we can all grow from experiences and we can all flourish from past hurts.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
How Can You Deny What You Feel?
And yet, another writing, I can’t help it, it’s in my blood. I must type to not only share, but to express thoughts that are inside of me that some of you would understand without me typing it up, yet, are swallowed by my words regardless and enjoy the insight.
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep last night, that in itself is very unusual. I did ask my spirit guides to be on call and ready because I did want to astral travel to where the storms were and help where I could. I think that probably instigated nearly instant sleep.
I do remember feeling very cold, and wet, and being surrounded by darkness. I helped people and animals alike. There were a lot of elderly that needed help, mostly to get to higher parts of their house, and some that had no electricity in their apartments. Animals were having a very hard time not only keeping warm but dry.
It’s easy to joke about natural disasters. It’s disheartening when you see a minister say that the reason people are being hit by Sandy is because they are gay, or support gay couples and marriage equality. (http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/hurricane-sandy-minister-blames-gays-and-pro-homosexual-romney-and-obama/politics/2012/10/29/52533) I can’t change idiots like this man, but I can help anyone in my path regardless of their social status, income or political/religious beliefs.
I feel very tired today, as most of the night I was working (and as you know, working in water, cold, and lifting people really zaps your energy). I know that some of you will read this and say “Astral travel really doesn’t happen) and of course that is your right to believe. I can tell you details about last night, for instance. This older lady and her cat, were in their little house. The water hadn’t come in yet, but it was going to. I helped her upstairs, covering them with blankets, and ran back downstairs only to lift her treasures off the floor, or run them upstairs. I can tell you her carpet looked like this (http://1000sofrugs.com/Oriental-Rugs/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Kimono-Gold.jpg) and her furniture was old-ish and precious to her. She had two high back chairs that I carried upstairs, along with vases, photos (in frames), a wicker chest that she used as a coffee table and a small end table. That was just in the living room. Her tiny kitchen table was small enough to put on one of the counters, and the chairs believe it or not I could fit in the sink (the legs) to keep them from getting wet. I rolled up a small rug and put it upstairs with her, and told her I had to go. She was so frightened, but I hugged her and pet her cat and they had each other when I left.
Along my travels I can remember helping a runaway teen get into an empty building, a first responder take an elderly couple to a shelter (they were in their cars trying to evacuate), and help calm some children that were afraid when hearing the exploding transformers. I never had to find the people that needed help, I was always placed exactly where I needed to be. My guides helped me a lot, and believe it or not, I saw a lot of other people out there, that were only there in spirit, helping. I even had the feeling that some of them were not from this time, this dimension, or even this planet.
I think I needed this experience as much as these people needed the help. I think people will always take the time to point out my faults, or even make up faults to deter people from getting to know me. If there is one thing that I never take lightly, it’s helping others. I will always (and always have) stand for those that can’t stand for themselves. I will always extend a hand, an offer. In those times, I might be rejected or even broken down, but I will never stay that way. I will always rise above their pettiness and be there for those that want and need my help. That is how I was raised. That is how I was born.
While, there are going to be many things you are upset about, whether it be politics, religion, hurtful people, situations, etc, think about this. We have an obligation to rise above those hurts to help others. If you needed help, I would hope that someone would step up and show you the same courtesy. Sometimes even the smallest of “help” can change the hearts hardened by even the toughest of reactions. How about the offer of a coat, blanket, bottle of water, the offer of a shoulder, a hug, holding a hand or even just listening without judgment, tell me those very small gestures don’t end up meaning something enough to someone to make them cry.
You were placed on this earth for a purpose as well. What is your purpose? What is your destiny? Do yourself a big favor, think about what you can do, and pay it forward. You will feel better for doing so, and who know, you might even meet someone following your same path.
Much love and still comfort, safety and warmth to those that suffered much damage this October storm of 2012.
<3
Monday, October 29, 2012
But it's the truth!
Here I am. I am home, happy, and ready to type it all up, being with Robyn for a week, up in New York, has made me want to write, no really sit down and write. She is an amazing inspiration like that, in so many ways. Let me detail this out for you.
We’ve all had our issues from time to time. I sat down and did a five card reading for Robyn and well, it really did lay out all of what has been happening, will happen and is bound to happen. I do enjoy sitting down and doing tarot, but to be honest, I’m still getting the hang of it (learning it), and I’d rather rely on my intuition and Empathy as opposed to relying on the cards for information.
I understand that there are some amazing tarot card readers, but most I have noticed rely too much on what the cards say. It’s nearly an impersonal reading of something that shows little to no emotions. But, in doing this reading for Robyn, we talked in detail about it, and that part was very personal. She used her intuition as well and it made for a very detailed reading.
I won’t go into detail about her reading, as it’s not any of my business to share, but I can say, some of her reading I honestly believe included me in which she agreed. In that aspect, we are on our way to things greater than even we imagined, that excites us both.
Of course, there wasn’t enough time to spend in New York with Robyn. I was lucky that I made it back home before Hurricane Sandy moved closer inland. Wednesday of course was spent traveling (flights) until at least 2pm Eastern time, but after that, we did everything that we could. Robyn is such an amazing host. I don’t think people get the chance to get to know her, as they would be surprised. Being jealous of her and treating her like crap only shows the downfalls and immaturity of the people that treated her that way. They know who they are, and they might even be reading this post. If so, you know who you are.
I have noticed (and expressed it to Robyn) that we complement each other in our spirituality and metaphysical events. We are like conduits to and for each other. I don’t think that happens that much in friendships, whether it’s about paranormal investigating, writing or just our views and opinions expressed to each other. On our Thursday travels via first class on the train, we met an older gentleman (named Bill) that said “Are you two sisters or do you just love each other like sisters”? He didn’t know us but he could feel the connection that the two of us have. It isn’t forced, it comes naturally. I think possibly from the very first time I met Robyn; I knew that we were a lot alike. Even in talking with Robyn about us being so alike (and yet different in a few ways) how the saying “Opposites attract” really doesn’t ring true in most cases. We took a picture with Bill, we’ll have to see how it turned out and we’ll post it.
Then, we also met Tatiana at the Metaphysical store, she was wonderful! She talked to us like she’d known us all of her life, Robyn, and the very kind heart that she has, gave her a pair of homemade dowsing rods that she LOVED and felt so humbled in receiving. Robyn is going to keep up with her and her dowsing experiences. Suffice it to say that we made yet another very adored friend in our travels. When we are together, we seem to attract true natured people. I love that about our friendship.
(There are so many things I want to type; I need to remember them all!). You KNEW we were going to do investigations (paranormal) while we were together. The cemeteries there were from the late 1700’s (and pretty different than any of those here in Texas). Late one night (just before midnight?) we went to one that was out in the country, and got an amazing EVP of a man telling us his name was “Chuck”. We couldn’t see the headstones because it was so dark, and after going home to Google the names there, they didn’t come up with a Chuck or a Charles, however, the next day we arbitrarily drove by the very same cemetery and pulled in during daylight. Approximately 10 feet away from as far as the car could go; there was the headstone of a Charles (with a son named Chad). What a wonderful confirmation! (Soon to find out one of many we would experience while together in New York!)
The same night we came back from the cemetery, we went to bed very late (reading, investigating, etc). I was nearly asleep (in one of the most comfortable beds, rooms, etc. that any guest could even begin to ask for!) when I heard a woman moaning just inside my door (on my right side). It was not Robyn, as she was asleep behind a closed door with her dogs. It was no one inside the house. I opened my eyes, and tried to look over towards the door (even though the room was very dark) but couldn’t see anything (more on another night in a bit). In the morning I did tell Robyn that about what happened, confirming yet another bout of events that happened to Robyn previously in that exact room while she was getting it ready for my stay. (I truly do love confirmations!).
Do you kind of see where this is all going? People take for granted that Robyn is just someone they can try and manipulate, but that is not true. She does not take crap from anyone, and that is a good thing! She is kind, she is snarky, and she is EXTREMELY intelligent! She knows how to think outside of the box, she is creative and can out think a lot of people I know. Her talent truly can’t be measured as it is all over the board. She doesn’t have to copy someone else to try and be better than them because she’s already there. People try to copy her to be like her but then are upset with her because they can’t compare. She is a master dowser (if you ask me) and an EVP magnet (if you also ask me), and yet she can find humor in so many things. She doesn’t try to define herself by her abilities, her show or even or talents. So many people (I will refrain from using the names in particular) treat her like crap because they are beyond jealous of her (Robyn, that was the bottom card (the “reason” card) remember?)
Expect to see some exciting things from us in the future. I am so unbelievably lucky to have “found” Robyn. I can’t even begin to express or verbalize what she means to me. She truly is a sister to me. To all the haters, you can SUCK IT!
Thank you Robyn for the amazing week vacation in your beautiful home, in your beautiful little town, and for spoiling me ROTTEN with all of the food, the fun and the excitement! Love you girl!!
(PS- I am lucky to have a LOT of friends that are this important to me! I need to write about them as well!)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Lucid Dream Analysis
I don’t often share my dreams, but, I wanted to share this one. It was a lucid dream and below you’ll see why.
First, I’ll say that I meditated myself to sleep with binary beats. I cannot tell you how long the ear buds stayed in until I flung them out of my ears in my sleep. I will say I probably fell asleep around 11:30pm and woke up at 2:31am.
I was not at home, nor was I anywhere I recognized the environment or the beings. I do remember seeing some taller hills, grass, trees and small puddles of water. The odd thing, I was standing amongst this entire earthly atmosphere, however, there were cubbies inside the hills/mountains that were vending/concessions, for like coffee, mixed drinks, snacks, there was what seemed to be a small convenience store, and office buildings. It was like a strip mall only into the side of the mountain.
I can’t tell you why I was there, or why I didn’t have an ounce of family in view. There are times when I astral travel to places that are in complete chaos and I seem to be there as a Healer, helper, never a fighter. Usually when I do that, I have a male presence with me, that I’ve never met, that never speaks, but protects me with his very life to help others. He did not seem to be present this time.
People were scared and running around, I thought I recognized one person, but it must have been from another life, as I couldn’t recollect any information about them. She was an older female, and she was part of a militant operation. She was in plain clothing and trying to help others, so I joined her in trying to help others around me.
Parts of the mountain began to fall, and I watched it crush one man before I could get him out of the way. I generally don’t see death so close and up front as I did last night, but it was the end of that world.
On counters and even large table-like rocks there were tall and narrow medication bottles (I’d say 4 1/2”) full of at least forty pills. That’s a lot of pills. They all looked a little different but were white in color. It was my assumption (before being told by this unknown lady I was helping) that they were suicide pills so that people wouldn’t suffer through the end of the world.
I remember seeing THOUSANDS of these bottles, and being so torn as to what was going on. Again, you have to remember, this to me didn’t seem like earth, it seemed like another land, possibly planet. While the beings seemed like people, I do believe it was how I perceived them. Remember, everyone was running around very scared and panicked, it didn’t start out that way, but was quickly developing into the ruckus before me.
Would we be saving them only for everyone to parish regardless? Were we trying to save people that had already taken the pills? How long were the pills to take effect? Could it be that taking the pills would cause one to ascend before possibly a painful death, be it slow or fast? I remember the lady I was with taking the pills before even explaining to me what they were. She encouraged me to take them, without uttering a word, seems most things there were communicated through telepathy. She then told me that they were suicide pills but that they would not work on everyone. Was I included in everyone? How long before we would know?
Another panicked lady pointed out the fact that the puddles of water were boiling with acid (I sure do have a lot of dreams that include acid!), the earth (I say earth but the ground and mountains) were quaking, I never did see any animals, but it was after what I could only grasp as dusk, so I’m sure that made everything seem compounded in pressure and stress.
After taking the pills (40 is a lot at one time), I was encouraged mentally to run around and try and gather all of the bottles I could get and give them to people, unfortunately, most of them had nothing to swallow them with, and were popping them into their mouths while they were running. I would imagine where I was, was considered some sort of city, but it was pretty small. Being responsible however for these scared beings in front of me was surreal.
I remember recognizing the fact that the pills didn’t seem to work on me. The lady that I was, I guess a side kick to was fading fast. It was more of just falling asleep, and she was becoming slower and weaker by the moment. I on the other hand felt no effect, of course I had taken them a short while after she did, but I remember not even considering the fact that I was most likely going to die, only that I had to help so many people (and really it wasn’t that many in looking back).
It was at that time that I was standing pretty much in the middle of the city, everything was quaking and crumbling around me, I could hear the sizzling sounds of the boiling acid puddles, but that I still had this huge armful (in my shirt as well) of full medicine bottles … and I woke up.
Rarely do I wake up as much as I did this morning, I generally wake up and can roll over and fall back to sleep. Unfortunately Stuart was snoring loudly enough that I got up, let the dogs out (and back in) and fell asleep in the living room on a recliner.
I almost feel like I failed the task at hand. Maybe I was meant to do what I did while I was there and come back when I did. Maybe it felt like the pills weren’t working but really, it was a way to get me to wake up and “come back”.
This was all so very detailed.
PS- when I first started meditating in bed, with my eyes closed, and very still (and very comfortable), I kept seeing cobalt blue orbs and deep violet orbs blink sporadically. These were pressure lights, these were brilliant bright lights (possibly being sparked by my mind and the state I was in), I’ve never experienced that quite as intense as that before.
Have a fabulous Thursday!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Friday Morning Ramblings About You, Me, the Universe..
I know that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m actually OK with that. It took me a very long time to come to that realization, or rather, to accept that detailed fact of life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I still don’t want to make everyone happy, I do. In my own selfish way, being the reason for someone sharing a smile or their day turning around is delicious to me. I realize that this kind of a self-centered feeling, but it’s mine. The intent runs deep as I really do want everyone else happy.
I’ve learned that I have to sometimes stop and indulge in myself as well. I look at it this way, they always tell you on the plane to put your oxygen mask on first then help others. There is a reason for that. You aren’t any help if you are passed out. Duly noted.
I’ve learned that I am not always going to be positive. I was once chastised for this, by a very self-centered but low confidence person. While, sharing disappointments or hurts with my friends on Facebook is acceptable, even snarking about them on the show, is something that helps with many processes in our lifetime. It enables us to learn from the situations, grow from experience and gives us the ability to move on. Being negative ALL the time is not healthy, nor does it encourage people to want to spend time with you, but, keeping a slight balance of happy, positive and encouraging thoughts, while showing that you are human and that you do have feelings is an important key to remember.
While, I’d love to think everyone sees me in THE perfect light (or the light that society wants to make you feel is perfect) like I am thin, rich, young, healthy, fully intuitive, psychic, aware, experienced, important, yadda yadda, you know the drill. I’m an Aries, **I’m passionate and a defender of the abused. I tend to be moody and short tempered, impatient and ..I think I should stop there *raspberry*, after all, I am the first sign of the Zodiac.
I recognize I have flaws (and I rarely hide those flaws from anyone). I’m a big girl (dieting works for a bit, but my weakness is food in general), I like to eat, I’m snarky, I don’t eat perfectly, I have gray hair, I’m a grandmother(Not that THIS is a flaw!), I’m 42, I’m married (uh, not that this is a flaw either), I indulge in coffee and cheese enchiladas (uh.. also not at the same time LOL), I’m embracing my metaphysical coming to, I didn’t just become it or fall into full fledge without studying it, experiencing it and sharing it.
But on the flip side, I’m love, I’m tenderness, I’m a natural born Empath, I care, I share, I Heal, I embrace, I learn, I’m open, I laugh, I cry, I love to hug and kiss and hold hands. I’m generous, enthusiastic, and independent. If you are in need, I do nearly everything to help. I do listen, but that wasn’t always there, it’s something I’ve recognized in the past, giving me strength to remember I don’t always have to be right all of the time. (Big lesson learned there).
You can either listen to others in their disdain for me, contempt for me or whatever horrible lies they might have to share with you. Or, you can take the time to get to know the real me. I know that I voice my frustration with people that are less than honest or say things that hurt others. Please see above **. But, I see something in every single one of my friends, I see their very souls. I offer free Healings (which by the way, tends to take a lot out of me) for them, I will always send them whatever vibrations they need to make it through, and that is because I love and adore them. I have very different relationships with nearly everyone that I have and will encounter. Take comfort in the fact that it is because everyone IS different, that part of them is embraced.
Let the haters hate. It makes you a stronger person, take heed with them, but rely on your inner strength to guide you. Sometimes the biggest haters are those in our own head; change that pattern in your life. Affirmations are good for helping with that issue. As my friend Dedra’s father said “If you know a snake is a snake, the snake won’t change just because you tell them they are a snake.” And that’s so very true.
Now, take a step back and look out into the Universe. Considering they estimate there are 100 to 200 billion galaxies in the Universe, what are we in this vast atmosphere? So very tiny, which in turn does not negate any personal feelings, wishes, thoughts or even travels nor should it make us feel insignificant. Just remember all of us make up an important part of this galaxy.
Much love to you, happy Friday and hope your weekend is calming and shows you serenity. <3
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Stats Of My Blog
So, I thought maybe since I wasn't getting many comments here on Blogger, I should stop writing in public. While I do get comments on Facebook under lock and key, and a few in emails, I wasn't sure people were really reading them, or even truly interested in them.
I know that I tend to go on and on.. That's what Empaths do, in order to sometimes express what we're feeling or going through, we have to write it out. I rarely hide what I'm feeling. Over a 42 year life span, I have decided that people enjoy me (well okay, MOST do) and what I have to say. They can see my soul and they like that. Someone once told me, those who aren't thrilled with me OR take the time to lie about me, they see the same thing. For those that followed the path of someone else's lies about me, well, they are just blind and follow because they are intimidated and possibly being bullied. Truth.
So I was looking at my stats and I'm rather enjoying the information. It's like reaching into a grab bag and getting something you actually like!
Russia!
Denmark!
Germany!
While, I don't know all of my visitors from the US (and the UK) this information makes me secretly squee inside my own head.
I know that I tend to go on and on.. That's what Empaths do, in order to sometimes express what we're feeling or going through, we have to write it out. I rarely hide what I'm feeling. Over a 42 year life span, I have decided that people enjoy me (well okay, MOST do) and what I have to say. They can see my soul and they like that. Someone once told me, those who aren't thrilled with me OR take the time to lie about me, they see the same thing. For those that followed the path of someone else's lies about me, well, they are just blind and follow because they are intimidated and possibly being bullied. Truth.
So I was looking at my stats and I'm rather enjoying the information. It's like reaching into a grab bag and getting something you actually like!
Russia!
Denmark!
Germany!
While, I don't know all of my visitors from the US (and the UK) this information makes me secretly squee inside my own head.
|
Also, not bad... so, yes, I'm being read. This happens to reassure me to keep writing. Someone is reading. Someone hopefully appreciates my journey as much as I do.
*waves*
Thank you for reading, where ever you are! Muah!
*waves*
Thank you for reading, where ever you are! Muah!
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