A Weekend to Reckon With

This weekend has been a true test of patience, meditation, loss and the capability to deal with everything life has to throw at you. Life will always be challenging in one fashion or another. There will be brief moments of time where it will be fabulous and everything is where it should be, but like my wonderful friend Maggie says "It will never be all rainbows and butterflies". 

Since my niece finally posted about it, I will share here what is going on.  Friday night, I received a call from my son concerning my niece Brandie. She is 18 years old, she's trying to find herself.  Just recently, she found herself pregnant, and upon telling the father, he left her.  Anyone can judge, think you are so much better than everyone else, but, she had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She wanted the best for her baby, but upon her decision, a few "family" members decided that they would call her a whore and make her feel badly for her decision of giving another family the blessings of a child. 

Her heart was heavy for someone judging her instead of recognizing her kind hearted decision.

Friday, Brandie was 22 weeks pregnant, and she lost the baby. Regardless of how one loses their baby, it makes the soul ache from the loss. I love her very much, I support her and her decisions and I will send her healing and forgiveness for her heart.

Here on the home front, my Stepfather Randy is not doing so well.  Today I got the news that he's doing worse in the hospital.  While, I am worried about him, I am worried about my mother as well. She's going non-stop trying to help him while she lives a good hour and a half to two hours drive (depending on traffic) to the hospital. She's not eating, barely sleeping and I'm just worried. I'm going to try and take a few days off work so that I can help with her laundry, her cats, her house cleaning.  It's the least I can do.

I am very lucky to have the family and the friends that I do.  They have helped me more the last two days than they will even realize. I love them, and while I am doing so well, and in very good spirits, I still am taking the time to send healing and love to those that need it. 

Moo <3

Easily amused...

I am easily amused.

There are things that am I not only told, but people have sent me screen shots. I might be a lot of things, but I am not negative. I don't have time for it, I don't have time for the drama. My anxiety has left me since I made changes in my life back in July. I've lost weight, I don't get the guilt filled emails, accusations, finger pointing, and demands that I once did.

People do change, but I'll never forget being told "I can forgive but I can never forget". I can remember the smiles and buddy system in the lime light, but behind the scenes, the things said about people, the hurtful intentions sent, the frustrations of people not like other people. I even remember (and possibly have emails) where those following the purple Kool-aid maker were talked about in a not so nice manner. I think people would be surprised, very. Their blinders would be melted to puddles of disappointment.

If you have ever seen the movie "Merlin" .. the moment that everyone turned their back on Queen Map, she lost her power. She wasn't thought about, or talked about, and soon she faded away. That is where I am at this moment. If I am being talked about, that is OK with me, because I have moved on. I am at an EXTREMELY enjoyable, fun, comfortable and important time in my life.  There is no turning back now, to turn back around and revisit that .. pernicious pool of darkness would cause complete chaos.

It's very easy to portray something you aren't.  It's very hard to hold up that persona for a very long time. I'm sure there is intention there, but it is not pure. I know it is not pure, I've seen it with my own eyes, with my own spirit, and sadly with my own soul. Every title in the world does not make you anything more than what you are. Making friends again with the desperate people that you disposed of and betrayed only proves the fact that you are already struggling.

Actually, while I don't respond to their attempts (not to be friends again but to defend their actions that were wrong, misleading and the end result of jumping to conclusions incorrectly), I do rather feel sorry for them. They do not know how to have a true friendship. They want to control every aspect of the relationship, and when things don't happen exactly as they:

• Want
• Need
• Expect
• or desire

They accuse, and belittle, lie, manipulate and well, in the end, they still don't see why people flee from them one, after another after another.

I'm glad they have the friends they do.  Because they all are living under the same false pretenses. They can rely on each other, include each other in their demeaning plans and try to get that one good "AHA..that felt good" moment. It will catch up to them, eventually.  Maybe not now, maybe not while I'm even near, but it will.

In the meantime, I am supported by people that talk to me, that share with me, who are learning with me, they don't expect me to do everything for them, that aren't jealous if I have a true talent, that differs from theirs. I don't get accused of doing something I'm not doing, I don't get criticized, chastised and even my flaws are acknowledged and accepted. I am loved. I am blessed. I'm a great person that people enjoy spending time with and getting to know.

I am enough, and proud of it!

*smiles*

A New Moo!