Words to live by today..and every day!

You have two choices.

1) Truthfully be exactly who you are through honesty.
2) Deceive the world with a lie of who you are not. 
SOOOO many have chosen the second choice... Living with a lie makes it hard to remember what your truth is.

Insight

This post is pretty restricted. I didn’t want any hard feelings but I had to write it out.

All yesterday afternoon I had some pretty bad chest pains. While, I took an aspirin just in case, I think it kind of scared me. Women don’t often believe they have heart attacks and people kind of slough it off as PMS, drama, hormones, it doesn’t matter. Yet:

“Research by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) indicates that women often experience new or different physical symptoms as long as a month or more before experiencing heart attacks.

Among the 515 women studied, 95-percent said they knew their symptoms were new or different a month or more before experiencing their heart attack, or Acute Myocardial Infarction (AMI). The symptoms most commonly reported were unusual fatigue (70.6-percent), sleep disturbance (47.8-percent), and shortness of breath (42.1-percent).”

But then I realized (only after reading) that women have different symptoms than men. Go figure.

“The women's major symptoms prior to their heart attack included:

Unusual Fatigue - 70%
Sleep Disturbance - 48%
Shortness of Breath - 42%
Indigestion - 39%
Anxiety - 35%

Major symptoms during the heart attack include:

Shortness of Breath - 58%
Weakness - 55%
Unusual Fatigue - 43%
Cold Sweat - 39%
Dizziness - 39%

So while I was kind of afraid of the situation I was in, it was kind of passed off as nothing. Anyway, I had wild dreams that have lingered even until now. I slept fairly well last night, nothing to write home about, but I’m sure with the scared feelings I was having and actually talking about not taking the Alaskan cruise, it boiled down to this.

I’ve never had a large wedding, both (yes both) of them have been small and one in a park and one   at the Justice of the Peace. Mind you, I don’t need a big fat gypsy wedding; I’m not frilly like that. I’m a sucker for thrift and that makes me happy.

In this dream, I was on a very large ship, even though last night I wasn’t “aware” of what it was exactly, I knew it was a ship and we were on the ocean. So, assuming now it was the cruise and funny, I was getting married. I had so many people on that ship that were there for me, I didn’t realize I knew that many people. Even as close as the wedding was, I was trying to decide between three men who I was going to marry. One was Stuart (my current husband), one was someone I’d dated years ago (probably had more attachment to him than he could not only deal with but doesn’t probably realize) and the other was someone I didn’t even know.

I was kind of disappointed in how I was acting, stringing them on as if I was the only person on the planet that mattered, not the lives, families or even emotions of these three men I was tagging along.

I’m not sure even typing who my final answer was (nor how I actually came to that conclusion) matters now. I can see all of it so clearly.

I’m still not feeling the best, but I know that I am really the only one that needs to care about my condition.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest (literally and figuratively).

** http://usgovinfo.about.com/cs/healthmedical/a/womensami.htm

It's Been Awhile

Times have been super busy lately. While I appreciate every moment with something to do and never being bored ever, the moment of downtime during the holidays finds itself rare. This weekend, where I thought maybe I was going to be busier, I've found myself with some pleasant downtime. Some time to reflect, express, feel again the pleasures of writing my thoughts.

I think some of this will make sense, and some will probably not. It will feel good for me to remember it, and share it.

I remember when I was about 14 years old, we lived on the edge of town in Cornet Heights, and waking up during the summer time just moments before the sun was to come up. I got up, got dressed, put a few things in a backpack, and proceeded to spend hours in an open field, pretending that it was the end of the world and I was "surviving" all by my lonesome. (Remember, I'd probably just read "1984" and figured the world was going to end much sooner, little did I know I was right that it wouldn't end any of the times people had predicted).

Sometimes I can connect so closely with an animal, I can hear them talking inside their own little head. While, I'm sure some of you are thinking "Nice, she's off her rocker", until you know, you can never know. This is why it bugs the crap out of me when people who do NOT have any kind of animal knowledge what-so-ever, say they are animal communicators. They are lying and that bugs me. My mother says I've been talking to animals since I could understand that animals were treasured beings, so she figures about the same time that I learned how to walk. If I say  "I don't know what's wrong with him/her" it's usually because I am too close to hear. I can feel their hurt, their illness or their emotions, but I can't hear their animal words, in those times, I have to let someone else listen in.

I'm fascinated with snow. When I was younger (mid-teen) several of us would go snow skiing, and while I was pretty clumsy, I did pretty well. I loved how I felt out there, in the snow, among the trees, hills and open skies. I remember how it sounded, felt, the crisp air and being outside, regardless of how cold I got. To me, it's a romance inducing climate.

• My crafting is going to increase.
• My meditation is definitely going to increase!
• This year, I will finish my course and become a certified hypnotist. 
• I'm going to eat more salads (and raw fruit/veggies juices).
• I think I'm going to change my bedtime. If I can fall asleep sooner, it's going to be 9:30 or 10 instead of 11-midnight. 

I reflect a lot on my younger years, but I have found that I am truly in love with my 40's. I had a hard time when I hit 30 because I thought OMG I'm so old and never going to have any fun any longer. PFFFT. I've had more fun in my late 30's until now then I ever did as a teen. Okay, I know that sounds hard to believe, and I had a wonderful childhood. I actually like who I am. Sure I need to make some changes, but not big ones. I don't lie, I don't deceive. Pretty much what you see/hear, is what you get.

I will forever be stuck in the 70's and early 80's. I love the real music, and yes, I know, but to me it IS real music. It takes me back, it made me daydream, it gave me that feeling I could do anything, it helped me when I fell in love and gave me something to exercise to when I hated to do so. It reminds me of people, situations and a time of happiness, a different happiness of course.

There are several people in my life that I wish I could find, get ahold of, see how they are, I miss them. I made friendships along the way that meant something to me. Maybe it didn't mean the same to them, and that's a shame. I've come back into many friendships with Facebook, and I am most grateful for that. Believe it or not, three of my dearest friends, that I've never met in real life, I met on a blogger (LiveJournal), and we're still friends today. I would love to meet them!

I love to dream. I think it goes along with loving to sleep, but, it's such an amazing extension of who we are, who we want to be, it's a fantastic tension releaser, and now that I know how to astral travel, lucid dream and visit people for Healings, nothing can compare to sleeping and dreaming. I have visited the most modest shacks and the largest houses with so many rooms I couldn't possibly visit them all. I've met people/beings from the past and from another time/planet. While, that might seem astronomical,  you'd understand if just once you went with me.

I have a respect for strong women. They get called bitches and heartless, but really, they just don't take shit from anyone. They know what they like, they have their favorite ways of doing things and people should learn how to give them respect instead of trying to make them look bad.

I miss having ferrets..
I can watch the same movie over and over again if I like it.
I have dreamed about the same old country house for many years now. The other day, I think I kind of saw it, in the movie "The Bleeding House"

I used to drive by a single wide trailer in the middle of the country near Bridgeport, Nebraska, that I thought would be the perfect place to live. I loved the way it looked at night time with the one porch light.
I don't like seafood.

Just a little bit of rambling. <3