Insight

This post is pretty restricted. I didn’t want any hard feelings but I had to write it out.

All yesterday afternoon I had some pretty bad chest pains. While, I took an aspirin just in case, I think it kind of scared me. Women don’t often believe they have heart attacks and people kind of slough it off as PMS, drama, hormones, it doesn’t matter. Yet:

“Research by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) indicates that women often experience new or different physical symptoms as long as a month or more before experiencing heart attacks.

Among the 515 women studied, 95-percent said they knew their symptoms were new or different a month or more before experiencing their heart attack, or Acute Myocardial Infarction (AMI). The symptoms most commonly reported were unusual fatigue (70.6-percent), sleep disturbance (47.8-percent), and shortness of breath (42.1-percent).”

But then I realized (only after reading) that women have different symptoms than men. Go figure.

“The women's major symptoms prior to their heart attack included:

Unusual Fatigue - 70%
Sleep Disturbance - 48%
Shortness of Breath - 42%
Indigestion - 39%
Anxiety - 35%

Major symptoms during the heart attack include:

Shortness of Breath - 58%
Weakness - 55%
Unusual Fatigue - 43%
Cold Sweat - 39%
Dizziness - 39%

So while I was kind of afraid of the situation I was in, it was kind of passed off as nothing. Anyway, I had wild dreams that have lingered even until now. I slept fairly well last night, nothing to write home about, but I’m sure with the scared feelings I was having and actually talking about not taking the Alaskan cruise, it boiled down to this.

I’ve never had a large wedding, both (yes both) of them have been small and one in a park and one   at the Justice of the Peace. Mind you, I don’t need a big fat gypsy wedding; I’m not frilly like that. I’m a sucker for thrift and that makes me happy.

In this dream, I was on a very large ship, even though last night I wasn’t “aware” of what it was exactly, I knew it was a ship and we were on the ocean. So, assuming now it was the cruise and funny, I was getting married. I had so many people on that ship that were there for me, I didn’t realize I knew that many people. Even as close as the wedding was, I was trying to decide between three men who I was going to marry. One was Stuart (my current husband), one was someone I’d dated years ago (probably had more attachment to him than he could not only deal with but doesn’t probably realize) and the other was someone I didn’t even know.

I was kind of disappointed in how I was acting, stringing them on as if I was the only person on the planet that mattered, not the lives, families or even emotions of these three men I was tagging along.

I’m not sure even typing who my final answer was (nor how I actually came to that conclusion) matters now. I can see all of it so clearly.

I’m still not feeling the best, but I know that I am really the only one that needs to care about my condition.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest (literally and figuratively).

** http://usgovinfo.about.com/cs/healthmedical/a/womensami.htm