Set aside the love for my family and pets. This isn’t about them today. It’s not that they are not important because they are SO important. THIS is me explaining and sharing about my friendships that mean so much to me. There are many, this post will get long.
The other day I belted out on my FB about how some of “you” are insensitive about the deceased. I was lashing out because I was so hurt and appalled that some of the people on my page would post photos of the Florida incident. In my head, the “you” didn’t represent 99% of the people on my list, just a very small percentage. I think I was caught off guard with the lack of respect being presented.
That “you” took some of my most sincere friends by surprise that they might have even been included in that lump. Again, in my head, I wasn’t placing all in that category, but that was kind of how it was taken. So, even though I have apologized to one, I want to apologize to all that I didn’t remove. I also kind of want to explain a few situations that lead up to that statement and how my day had been going before I lashed out.
I could always blame things on work, I think most can. I understand the “no one can make you feel bad until you allow them to”, well, yes and no. If you are working for someone else, they can make you feel badly and if you have any kind of work ethics then you are going to feel badly. Sometimes even if YOU didn’t do anything, you still tend to take the brunt of issues, situations and events. So I’m blaming it on work because as of late I have been coming home extremely stressed. Anyway, back to all this other.
I reconstructed my friends list yet again, and hopefully it’s a tad better this time. I have new and improved filters or, I’ve just let people go. I don’t need, want or deserve the stresses that some put out with their vibrations. I can easily now walk away from those that do not serve a positive purpose in my life as that is the decision I have made moving forward. I can’t please everyone all of the time, but I refuse to never please myself once in a while.
I think a definition for friendship means different things to different people. It does not mean who you have control over and can use at will. It also does not mean limiting one person to only be your friend and not care about anyone else. I think friendship means different things through your life time as well. Platonic friendships, acquaintances and fly by night relationships kind of fall into the dysfunctional friendship category.
· Telling the world you are their best friend for them
· Only having something to do with someone when you want to argue with them
· Not seeing eye to eye so getting upset with someone because of your insecurities
· Getting mad at someone for not seeing things your way
· Having complete control over someone else’s life
· Dictating what someone can and can’t do
· Not worrying considerably if you’ve hurt someone’s feelings on purpose
· Making someone else responsible for making the friendship “work”
· Any form of abuse received or given
· Consistent lying and manipulation of trust
I think with any relationship there is a hint of dysfunction, but there doesn’t have to be. This of course depends on both parties involved, and that’s where the “only human” factor comes in. This also depends on your tolerance for idiosyncrasies. Everyone has something that drives someone crazy in a small or large way. It’s all in how you approach it, accept it, avoid it or forgive it.
That to me is weird, here’s why. There used to be a question asked of us each year in a “professional” forum/poll asking us who our best friend at work was. I (and many others) answered “none”. Seriously, you expect me to have a best friend at work? Not going to happen. Yet, I spend 56.25% of my weekday waking hours with the same people over and over again. They always want to make like we’re family, and in a way I guess we are but WOW dysfunctional friendship/family galore. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like the people I work with. However, if it boiled down to trust, I couldn’t trust a lot of them. They have different lifestyles than me, plus their hobbies and interests aren’t like mine. So, work is more of “acquaintance” if you ask me and doesn’t make an ounce of sense to me.
I think this definition is different for everyone. I don’t go out so I don’t have drinking friends. I do paranormal investigate, so I have social friendship like that. There are people I don’t get to see often but have the same interests as I do, so I consider this social as well. I used to go to “Meetup” events, which were great, but there was such weirdness with some of them that I just figured I’d suffice for my own entertainment. That’s not a selfish or conceited statement, just a fact. I found a lot of people in this group had to define themselves and title themselves in order to be rated in a social friendship, not all mind you. There were great insecurities in this category and I am not into titles and contests for friendship.
I think this is my largest category. I rely heavily on people that have a lot of feeling to share in friendships. I don’t expect it to be “given”, but sharing is a must. Emotions and feelings are like Lays Potato chips, you can’t just have one. I know, cheesy but so true. Part of being an Empath (and I will admit it, shamelessly) is absorbing and enjoy the GOOD feelings and emotions of your friends, those feelings such as excitement, happiness, joy, all of the things that feel good and are taken positively. I wouldn’t trade the energy I get from when my friends are going through new and exciting times! Now, on the flip side, when my friends are sad, sick or hurting, well, that is part of the package. That is where my friendship with them kicks into a higher gear and the needs are changed to be met. Surprisingly, some of my emotional friendships don’t express their emotions “out loud”, and that is OK with me.
Funny how there are several people that fall into this category plus the one above. I have some very smart friends, all giving amazing criteria to different scenarios. I don’t know what I would do without them. To say one is smarter than another is extremely unfair, as the measure of their intelligence can’t compare with each other’s. These friends also fall into a more mature and emotionally stable category. They have already experienced, conquered and surpassed the drama of adults acting as children. They look at situations differently and contribute to ideas, suggestions and possible solutions. They let the small things roll off their backs and concentrate on what they know, feel, have learned or want to share. I go to them a lot when I have questions about life and/or intuition. They also know that they can trust me and will come to me when they want my opinion or even help.
Since I don’t get to do a lot of socializing (well, besides social networks and paranormal events) I don’t have a lot of buddies. However, believe it or not, I’m more “buddies” with hubbies ex work friends because I do enjoy meeting up with them at a bar, because they’ve always been so sweet to me. They are most definitely buddies.
These are the people that swim in talent, probably in talents that interest and intrigue me. Such as natural Healers, Intuitives, Crafters, Naturists, Campers, Paranormal, Writers, Photographers, that list is LONG. All things I enjoy doing (or wish I could do) and take pride in THEM, my friends, for what they can do. Jealous in a healthy way is never a bad thing, come on; I would LOVE to be able to do half of what some of my Talent-Oriented friends can do! BUT, I can do things too, so I love natural talented people!
I can’t narrow down the fact that most of the people I truly adore and care about are thousands of miles away, so online friends did not make this list because it’s an environment situation not the event of their constitution.
Sister and Brother Friendship
These are the people that when you meet them or the more that you get to know them, they seem, act and feel like family. I actually have a LOT of friends that fall into this category. Seriously, there are people that I have met in the most pivotal time in my life of understanding who I am and how I feel about things, that I have met people that touched my very soul and I consider family. Daily I look forward to reading/hearing/seeing them, and miss them when they are silent. I worry about their well-being, their happiness, their state of mind and their health. I can no longer imagine my life without them even if we have never met in real life. They are an integral part of my life and even my very being.
While to some this isn’t even an issue of consideration, I love humor. I adore witty humor, especially if someone GETS my humor. I will always maintain that I am very snarky (in a loving way) and that is who I am. There are others that fall into this category and it amuses me. I actually rely on this friendship status because it has introduced me to people that I would have never even imagined getting to know. I will say that MOST of the guy friends that I have fall into this category. They swoon me with their humor and then swoop in with their hidden (don’t so society) sensitivity and compassion. That does not mean that the women in my life don’t have humor or that we don’t have this kind of a friendship (with possible multiple categories above) because I do, it’s just different and possibly more controlled than the males in my life.
Best Friend- Friendship
This one is a biggie. I can’t seem to classify the definition of “best”. They might be “my” best but I might not be theirs, or, as I’ve found in events gone past, that I they might think I am theirs and I don’t reciprocate that feeling. If it doesn’t feel right don’t do it, right? Well, first and foremost, my true best friend is my mother. That wasn’t always the case, when I was a teenager, pfffffffffft. Now that I have matured and we have mutual understandings of each other (and if we LIVED CLOSER) we’d be together all the time. Nearly everything that I am (Healer, sensitive, survivor, friend, etc) I get from my mother, whether it was lessons, faith, acceptance or even the dreaded punishment, it’s because of my mother. She doesn’t meddle, she doesn’t pry. She loves me for me because I am the direct result of her. With all of that being said, I consider many as best friends in different ways and for different reasons.
I’m sure many of you can see yourself in one or more of these groups. I think one “group” I failed to mention is a “nostalgic” friendship, for whatever reason is something that (in the past) has meant something very deep in the past, and whether it’s growing up or just the natural selection of time and life, has come and gone. At the age I was when I made those friendships mean different things to me, some were so very special and life shaping that I will never let them go. Some, as with myself, they are different people now and we aren’t as compatible as friends, or even people you were madly in love with from the past who now are your friends. It’s hard to put them into a category, because they were loves and friends.
Life is made of events, learning curves and special people in your life that add value to your “journey”.
**Please be advised this is my own personal list, and it could easily change or apply to others reading.