I've been typing this off and on for two days. Yesterday was an emotional day for various reasons. But enough about me, oh wait. So more about me.
As humans, we aren't always open to information about ourselves, our ticks, maybe flaws, or imperfections. Why would we want to admit our faults when we'd much rather have the world see us as we want to be seen. Well, I've typed about some of this before, I will be the first to admit that there are times I learn something about myself that I haven't previously recognized or maybe even acknowledged. Oh boy.
I try very hard to be a very good person. I'm nice to people, I always try to help, in the past I've even been walked all over, thinking maybe it would make someone happy. Yeah well, *pffffft*. I like to nurture, I enjoy making people laugh, and overall, being an Empath, I strive to do whatever it takes to for people to feel good. Remember earlier, I mentioned, that is not always my responsibility to BE the fixer. Sometimes people don't need fixed, even more so, don't "want" to be fixed. So, it's up to me, to find that balance, which I assure you is not always an easy find. *thud* So..here's where things get extra confusing about life and personal duties. Hehe.. I said doodies.
There are people that are threatened by me. When I say threatened, I don't mean *pounds fist in palm* kinda' threatened. Recently, I've experienced both sides of the spectrum, emotional spectrum that is. (dear heavens to mergertroid the first time I typed spectrum it came out rectum 0.o). You can't take me anywhere nice. Overall, I am a very happy person. I have a tough time in crowds, but there have been times that people wouldn't know that, because I try to include everyone into the reindeer games. I don't want anyone feeling left out. My personality takes over, and my guard tends to be my sense of humor and I just try to make people comfortable. I have been accused of being "Peppy Spice" and that's fine.
There have been people who didn't like the attention I would get from other people, and for that it's like they wanted to punish me. They tried so hard to be like that and failed miserably. But see, that is my mechanism, not yours. You can not base your "popularity" or lack there of on how I do things. You also can't just magically become what someone else is either, it either has to be inside you already, or you have to work to get to that point.
So, then I look at myself and my views on life. I realize there are times that my views are out there, but, to be fair and honest, I see a lot of other people that have pretty crazy ideas and are just as stubborn (if not MORE so) in listening to all sides of the option. Passion can be a beautiful thing, until it belittles and destroys someone else. I abhor confrontation, it's not in my nature. I will get sick just procrastinating getting into an argument with someone. I'd rather back away, and distance myself from them. I've done that all of my life. That doesn't make me wrong, that makes me who I am inside.
While, I never want to offend someone, and hurting someones feelings is torture for me, I've come to learn that I can not please everyone. Between my views, my snarkiness, my personality and exactly who I am, to some, it's extremely overwhelming. As an Empath, that drives me nuts. Internally I'm wanting to change who I am to make someone else happy, and that just can't happen. WHY? I have some people that write things like this to me (and while I'm going to quote this, I'm not going to identify the owners of their words..they'll see it):
"And sometimes you take someone who has been grim all day and make them laugh with just a few words. THAT is also your gift!"
"I just wanted to tell you, hanging up the phone right now, even with that VERY brief conversation, may be the first time I've smiled all day. Thank you"
"Only slightly off topic, the thing I treasure most about you Moo is that I feel I can be completely open with you."
BUT then I turn around and I have people de-friend me all the time on social networks. I may never know why and that drives me crazy. I'm getting better at that, and it's taking work. There are times I'm stubborn, persistent, bullheaded, possibly inappropriate, but I am so loving, giving, caring, sharing and SINCERE that I thought maybe it would balance things out. It does not. Not only does not everyone like me, but people lie about me as well. That part, I'm coming to terms with as well. In each and every case I can narrow it down as to why they don't like me, and three fourths of it is complete jealousy. That I can not change, and will not, for anyone, sorry. No wait, scratch that, actually I'm not sorry. Why?
I use my true talents (and I'm not trying to break my arm here patting my own back) and gifts, I don't charge for pretend sideshow crap. (Now, here, I will tell you, I know some amazing healers, psychics and mediums, and I believe they provide a service as their living and should be paid accordingly). I know some extreme frauds that claim they can do it all when they can't, and they charge for it, and should be ashamed of themselves, but they aren't, and won't be because they just want to skate through life as something they're not. I'm had MANY people tell me of the success when I've sent them Healings. That warms my heart and makes me beyond happy. For now, I have a job and I get paid for that job, I'm anything but lazy, so I believe for myself that this gift is for giving.
I think I'm going to upset a lot of people with this post. Frankly, it's my words, thoughts and expressions so, you are going to have to deal with that on your own terms. I know that I'm hard to handle, but, I think overall, if you stick through it, and see both sides of the rainbow (and the storm) you will find that I can provide a true friendship with many rewards. I'd like to think so anyway. What I'm trying to say here is, don't try to make me into what you think I should be, relish in the moo-ness and take me for who I am. If you liked me before, I'd like to think you'd like me just as much if not more now.
Happy Thursday me lovelies!