Things aren't always as they appear..

Open your mind and your eyes..

Friday, June 10, 2011

I Am Merely Melissa...

Of course, there will never be anyone just like myself.

There will always be different versions, parallel traits, similar tendencies, but never anyone exactly matching my thoughts, expressions, feelings, soul, spirit, creativity, personality or even actions.  That can be said for each and every one of you as well.


one-of-a-kind; w/out equal

I know that everyone abuses this word, making people roll their eyes at even a glance in a comment. The word unique has become over used, just like several other words that mean, original, different, etc.  Let’s try the word unprecedented, I’m sure to some extent that word is also over used, but far less by myself, and possibly others.  It has its own meaning yet generalizes that of original.

Ever since I was a child, I had the tendency to feel out of place. Look at that as you will, I am sure a lot of children felt that way. Forever I was told I have an old soul and at that young, I never understood what they meant. I do know that I could watch a person, pick up on their sadness and then I felt sad too. I cried easily at movies, I took things extremely personal (wasn’t everyone supposed to take things personally?) and told a lot that I was such a girl and a crybaby. Well, I was a girl, and I did cry, just as every child, regardless of the gender or age should do when their emotions trigger their “feel bad”.

If you ask me if even boys should have cried, well hell yes, they have feelings don’t they? If they are standing amongst their friends and someone says something hurtful, do you think they should just take it? Leave it bottled up inside, telling themselves over and over again how stupid, ugly, fat, thin, poor, etc they are? Why is it that our society feels that boys should never express what they are feeling? Do you not believe this makes them dysfunctional on several different levels? Men that tell their sons to “toughen up and deal with it” have issues of their own.

This works with girls as well. Telling a girl she can not do something a boy would do (that’s a man’s job) is just plain ridiculous. I get the whole upper strength situations on some careers, but on a broad aspect of options, girls really can do nearly everything a boy can. Why must society say that if we are girls aren’t playing with dolls or wearing dresses, we aren’t acting in a socially acceptable manner? How is that entire realm of demographic profiling even considered morally and spiritually acceptable?

I will be the very first to admit, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have never denied that. Some days are easier than others. Each and every day brings (to all of us to one degree or another) our own tolerances in haters, abusers, levels of friendship, our definition of stupidity; that list could never be verbalized upon one write up, it would take days, weeks, years to name all of those things we measure, either trying to level them out or accept it and move on.

I will also acknowledge the fact that my feelings do get hurt easily. If you are blessed with the ability to let things roll off your should and slough it off, be thankful; I work every day of my adult life trying to NOT feel the domino effect of another’s words/actions in my life. I recognize this flaw, and have come (believe it or not) a very long way from where I started out, yes, even on social networks. I am going to say, 11 years ago, being on(that version of so) social network meant, Telnet chat sites,  Live Journal, Citizen X, etc.

I can easily have a disagreement with someone, as long as there is some common courtesy and a tad bit of empathy that is displayed on both sides.  If anyone feels they must express forceful words, intimidating actions/reactions or loud stern scolding, results in something other than disagreeing, technically it is then an argument.  I do not do well with confrontation; I never have, and most likely never will. I struggle in hurting the feelings of others, even when I might be trying to explain, protect or defend myself.  My entire being can not function in that manner.  Some people understand that in me, some people do not, nor do they care to. Showing any form of humility, suggests weakness to them, when for me it is a very emotionally sad feeling.  

Clearly, I am not perfect, as no one else around me that I love and adore is either.  When stating this very obvious fact, I am not proclaiming to be broken, merely hardwired differently. I am not flawed, but neither are you.

When I am your friend, I want you to feel you can come to me with problems or needs. I want to be remembered as an individual whose heart was true, always trying to find justice and/or acceptance for everyone I encounter. I do have my selfish needs, I worry about people that don’t want or maybe even need that burden (I’m working on this).  I am able love in a way that some people can’t handle, feel awkward with, would rather ridicule instead of understand or accept.  I enjoy making and seeing people smile, laugh or feel happiness.  I love being goofy, and I do own my fair share of snarkiness that doesn’t always settle well with people. I am not weak, but I do possess certain weakness, although, who made the determination on what is weakness and what is an attribute? Did our society today fall off the wrong side of the wall, persecuting what could potentially be what the intentions of this planet were founded on?

  • Loving thy neighbor?
  • Innocent until proven guilty?
  • Treat others as you would want yourself (or even let’s say your mother) to be treated?
  • The responsibility of our own actions?
  • Embracing Humility and Humanity?

Obviously that is a mere drop in the bucket when it comes to basic foundations of what human creatures of earth are technically responsible for.  We trade love for distrust.

Once I was called a psychopath by a person who consistently lies, well, sir, to you I say, I am no more a psychopath than you are an honest and kind man. I choose to express my feelings, because I walk away from being disgraced or lied about, a psychopath does not make.  You must either hurt so badly that you want the entire world to hurt with you, or, you are completely detached from anyone and care only for your own welfare. Something I can not change, nor wish to change, that is your issue to deal with, not mine.

If our paths cross(ed), and it has become tiresome to both of us, or even stressful, it’s time to part ways. I have not travelled your life path, and you have not travelled mine. The opportunity to know one another is gift enough, accept the outcome and search for the next turn in your destiny.


  1. I love you Moo, we are cut from the same fabric, yes as you say we have many differences, so I will call our fabric a tie dye pattern :), Im so glad we found each other! <3 <3 and most of your posts cause tears from me.. like now *blot* *blot* *sniff*

  2. We ARE so much alike, and I love you like I've known you all of my life. I adore you and am so thankful for you EVERY single day! Now to meet soon!! *HUGS* Muah! <3 <3!

  3. I could write a big long book comment about everything you said.. because as usual everything you said resonates with me and is as if you were in my head reading my feelings :) Hubby and I actually had a talk about this last night.. I have always felt different and been different, and when it comes to my heart on my sleeve, I am having to adjust a bit because of my situation at work. I was explaining to him though that I get frustrated when people tell me to let it roll off my shoulders.. they say that I need to learn to not let it bother me. My response is, so.. you want ME to change and adjust by not taking it so hard.. but you're not willing to adjust or change by not being so insensitive in the first place. Society keeps telling us WE have to change to adjust. I explained the difference like this if I were to call my co-worker a big dummy, it would hurt her, but it would probably only be hurting her human heart, hurting her on a physical level, a physical reality.. with me, when someone calls me a big dummy, I am so connected with spirit on a daily basis that you didn't hurt my heart, my physical, you hurt my SOUL. And I'm not saying I'm better than other people by being more connected, it is just a fact, my connection has been there since forever, that's part of my path. So.. I can't just "let it roll off me".. So.. I'm learning to adjust a little bit, in that I have learned to adjust my reaction to things at work.. but I refuse to conform to the way society expects me to be more than small adjustments.. And I will only make those adjustments if they feel right for ME. I will not live my life as "someone else" just to please people. And thankfully I have wonderful people like you in my life who I can lean on for support, who KNOW what I'm going through, where I'm coming from.. and help me keep my sanity :) :) :) :) Love you Moo.. and um, I think it's time for you to start writing a book.. just sayin... you touch people with your words in a profound, deep and moving way :)

  4. YES! Why do I have to change? Who deemed my feelings (OUR FEELINGS) an incorrect response? Why is it that the "majority" always wants to make the "minority" feel they need to change who THEY are? Survival of the "fittest" does not include this realm of our souls.

    I believe, and this is JUST me, that people who don't understand or experience something different from what they do, possibly scares them and maybe even infuriates them to the point that they react the way they do. That is their issue that they need to either acknowledge and deal with or change, not ours.

    You are right, it's extremely nice to KNOW that there ARE people like us out there, that go through these experiences and can relate. People should realize NOW that this is how it was back in the day when people didn't know why we were "different" so they titled us witches, demons and sinners and took it upon themselves to punish us.

    Thank heavens you are in my life as well!!! I am blessed! A book.... *smiles proudly* Well you KNOW I love to write! *beams and dances around!!!* Love you!! <3

  5. I can well relate to what you are saying blessed one!
    I've suffered from the same issues for most of my life. Most of the time I even tired to be a people pleaser.
    Later I rebelled and lost large number of firends through trying to be who I am.
    Now... well I'm happy with where all the struggle got me to.
    We live - we learn.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts so well put!

  6. Thank you for reading and commenting sweetie!!

    I'm sorry you lost friends.. it's like being a caged animal, when you finally do what YOU want to do, feel say and live like YOU want to, all of a sudden people don't want to let you and get offended.