A part of growing is learning what you are, or have become..

When people see me from the outside, they think of me as a plain Jane mother and grandmother. Many say I don’t look my age, but I sincerely love being 41. Most people believe they can see my soul through my eyes, and probably they can. I rarely protect myself from strangers; I don’t usually put up the walls.  I’ve been publicly prosecuted for having a personality, sense of humor and even for easing tension to try and make someone feel comfortable in unsure surroundings. Not to sound conceited but, I have picked that apart several different times and ways, and it was always done by someone that was jealous that their personality didn’t shine naturally.  I can see that, I’m sure they already know that, but don’t want to recognize it or accept the truth in it.

I know a lot of people say “I always felt different growing up”. I think a lot of us do. Possibly between the option of reincarnation, or being born as an Indigo, Crystal or Rainbow child, a sensitive, having survived a terminal illness, or even just the environment in which you were raised. Some people are born with “it” and others aren’t. Take Dexter Morgan on “Dexter”. He wasn’t “different” until a traumatic event took place, then he became different. He wasn’t born that way, then, technically “raised” that way.

I don’t think that I ever felt that I was adopted, but I did feel (and we are talking every waking hour) that I didn’t fit the way I was supposed to. Socially, I was shy at first, but then opened up, and was a ham to experience making people laugh or smile. My heart was big, and I tended to gravitate to the social outcasts and quieter bunch. I didn’t consider myself a leader, so if they followed, I just entertained the situation and accommodated what I could. I was always the helper, soother, comforter, fixer, helper and mediator, even at a very young age.

While other kids were more worried about watching cartoons on Saturday mornings, or playing Atari on Saturday nights, I was far more interested in sitting outside, listening, feeling, experiencing. Don’t get me wrong, I was a whiz at Pong, but I’d much rather sit in the dirt, feel the earth, smell the rain, the sunshine and the breeze against my skin. Yes, even at a very young age. Most kids don’t want to do that, but I did, and always will.  That part of me will always remain childlike; I will make sure of it.

Then there were the days I would be 9 or 10 years old, downstairs and FEEL someone watching me. Was there high EMF down there? Possibly, was I super sensitive to EMF even then? That of course is a HUGE possibility. Or how about the instinctive draw to water, fire, rocks, trees, dirt, plants, the sky, loving the moon and the feelings it gave me even back then? How about the urgency to enjoy camping, and appreciate the simple things of being one with nature? How about the infinite fascination and ability to feel and absorb energy from making a fire, watching it, or seeing a lightening storm? Then there is the nearly immediate understanding of being able to craft without someone showing me how, the constant need to learn or research and find out for myself? Or, how very smooth and rather easy manner in which I seemed to understand animals without even trying.

In looking back now, I can see the all of the signs of being an Empath. I think I knew all along, THAT was a part of me that truly was different. It wasn’t a forced thing, it was natural. I didn’t brag about it, because I was smack in the middle of it without even realizing what “it” was. The feeling sorry for the underdog, constantly being told I was too sensitive (well duh), looking at a friend and just knowing (and completely feeling) that something was wrong, they were upset, ill or sad.

So, with that entire gift given “knowledge”, I can tell you that it is an understanding when you see/feel a fraud.  These things don’t just *poof* happen to you overnight. They don’t just absorb into your system the second someone shares with you their excitement of either examining a situation, or actually having an amazing event happen for them to go through. You don’t obtain through the process of osmosis, instantaneous access automatically becoming something through the process of jealousy due to another person with their abilities.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am no more important than you, as you are no more important than I. Each of us has our own special gifts and contributions to society and our own existing lives.   Making something out of what doesn’t even exist, only displays insecurities.  Trying to reach the top, of whatever we are striving for, mountain, job, most titles, doesn’t mean anything if you leave a trail of used and abused behind you. I never try to be something I am not. I don’t try to attack those that don’t know their own way. I do believe in myself, that I am important, and what anyone else says (in a negative manner) about me is worthless to anyone else. Those that fall prey to someone that will take advantage of them, have to learn that lesson on their own.

Polish a pile of steaming dog poo, and all you are going to get is shiny poo…