Everyone experiences a moment of clarity, even if it doesn’t last very long. I might be 42 right now, but 11 years ago when the devastation in the loss of lives happened, I was still maturing in my adulthood. This was before even knowing what an Empath was. It didn’t help that I saw and watched TV for days (when I wasn’t working) and compounded my grief and horror far longer than I should have subjected myself to do.
At that time, I had only been at this job for a year, so I knew the people, but I was still in the infancy of my career. I was less than a mile from work when the news came over the radio. I think I drove that short distance with my mouth open confused and dazed. On the radio they were also confused and the manner in which the spoke only added fuel to mass confusion. I pulled into a parking spot (still can remember which one to this day) and sat there for a few minute. I had to collect myself.
Upon entering the front office, it was eerily quiet and I stumbled my way to my desk, rushing to log on and to bring up the internet. What I didn’t know there were other coworkers in a room watching the TV in horror. I think I sat at my desk and cried all day.
One of my friend’s daughters worked in the towers. I had to get ahold of him to make sure that she was OK. I got ahold of him but he couldn’t get ahold of her. He lived in Florida and of course she in New York. It was HOURS before I received an email that she was fine and he was relieved, as was I.
The other person that I contacted (via email) was my friend in Ireland. Of course, he emailed me right away and asked if I was OK. Physically yes, emotionally, he was diligent in expressing his sorrows and heartache, someone so far away feeling all the loss that was felt here in the states.
The next month was pretty wrenching. There wasn’t a channel you could turn to that didn’t have information, photos, video, etc. I had a terrible time moving on because I not only felt my own sorrow; I felt THOUSANDS and thousands of people and their hurts and sorrows. Now, for not understand what the heck was going on with me in the first place, it nearly killed me.
Then, I met (via email) a man named Remi. His fiancé had perished that day and he was battling the mental fight for his life. I believe he found me, but we started emailing back and forth that lasted for several years after 9-11-01. He would tell me about how his day had gone, the emotions he was going through, and his dark thoughts of suicide. I believe we emailed each other almost every day, and like life, the emails got smaller and less frequent. Eventually they faded off all together.
During our emails, it appears to me now, that we needed each other. We didn’t know very much personal information about each other, but that didn’t matter. It was two people helping each other. There were no physical rewards, we would never meet, and we would never even exchange photos of each other. It was as if our paths had crossed for a specific reason, our odds of even finding each other, beyond astronomical.
In looking back now, I am able recognize that he might have been there for me (stop wallowing in my pity as it is minute compared to others) but I was there for him. I honestly believe that in me listening to him, sharing with him, talking to and crying for him, it helped him to be able to move on. He didn’t want anything from me except friendship.
I’m surprised I didn’t see it then, but even being a cancer survivor, I honestly believe now that most important purpose on this planet is to help, to help Heal, to strengthen tender souls. I didn’t just decide one day that I am a Healer, or that I am an Empath. It took years of me basically ignoring it or thinking it was just something weird about me. I do have a purpose and it is grand in comparison to the rest of my life.
I remember this day every year, my heart hurts, some for myself, but mostly for others. I still get the twinge of thousands and their pain, but it’s less powerful now. That’s why, when people like Ann Coulter say horrible things about 911 survivors, she has absolutely NO clue. Not only is her soul bitter, but she only feels complete and important when she’s making others made and hurt from her statements.
I truly hope that Remi has moved on and found happiness again. I would love to communicate with him again and get the chance to see what he looks like. Some of our last writings included the statement that he wanted to move to Maryland and change careers (From IT to something that allowed him to travel). I also hope he found love again, and is living a wonderful life that he (and really that every single one of us) deserves.
Sending you all love and comfort on this day, I hope you can feel it from where ever you are, and know and understand that you deserve it.