Things aren't always as they appear..

Open your mind and your eyes..

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I have been called out

And.. I am brave enough to say that .. they are right. I hate admitting I still have issues.  I guess I didn't realize I still did, but I do.

"I see many of your words and actions still being in response to (their) (ok i'll just say it) abuse.  You frequently proclaim that you are free of the negative influence. While that is technically true, your need to point that fact out means your healing is incomplete. That is understandable; the psychic wounds of a toxic relationship are deep and long-lasting (having been through it myself I sympathize). When you can go about your life without a care about what (they) think, and don't feel the need to point out you don't care, you will be truly healed. And I hope you know I say this somewhat harshly because I care about you and your happiness. Although it is easy for me to say "move on" I know it really isn't that easy."
So, back to the drawing board I guess. I will say that I don't understand why people feel the need to hurt others. I do not understand the reasoning behind having to have everyone adore and look up to them, while they stand  on top of people to get there.

Lots of meditation tonight.  LOTS.  Universe, please give me the strength to just "get over it".

A New Moo


  1. I too had noticed several Facebook posts about the negative nellies on your status recently. It took a lot of courage to call you on it, and even more for you to admit it.

    This reminds me of a talk I had with my wife this weekend about whether I have emotions...yes, I'm a outwardly stoic person. I tried to explain to her how I do feel things, but I quickly resolve the negative emotions and separate them out from what can be learned from the situation. Once I've learned what I need, the bad feelings go away. I often find myself feeling compassion or pity for the person who wronged me because even they don't understand what they did, or even why.

    It's amazing how most people are just drones that go around repeating bad behavior because they've never taken the time to really examine what it is that they are doing. You're walking the right path. You just need to find that nugget of insight that brings meaning to the hurt. It may be as simple as learning to recognize the warning signs of the bad relationship so you don't get in that situation again.

    Once you have what you need to know, find a way to symbolically rid yourself of the pain. You might gather the pain into a ball of energy while meditating and shoot if off into the universe.

    I personally know when I've completed the healing when I am able to honestly (and without condescension) pray for the person who wronged me.

  2. Thank you so much, C, for these words and a response. I find that a lot of people don't even want to comment their thoughts. It is much easier to just kind of turn their head and pretend it doesn't exist.

    It is as if no one wants to look at the fact that it is out there happening.

    I have worked hard to get to this point in my life. I guess it's better than nothing. I realize that no one (including myself) is perfect, so I know they are probably hurting just as much as myself.

    I appreciate yours, and the contributor above's insight. I can accept the fact that I need to change.

  3. It's tough to leave it all in the past when the aggressor just keeps poking and poking and poking, though. The meditation soothes the soul well and good - until they pull out the next round of stabs.

    Your advice above is great, Chuck, but what can one do to rid themselves of negativity when that negativity keeps pounding at the door? I'm in a similar situation and would LOVE a bit of guidance.

  4. Thank you Beth! And I'm sorry you are in the same position, truly.

    I know it's easy to say "Just ignore it" "Just move on" but you are right. I am standing on one side of the street, minding my own business and BAM.. out of the blue, it's a stick covered in fire ants stuck in my eye.

    Why must we be the ones that have to be all...forgiving and ignoring when it's constantly thrown in our face. Why can't THEY be the one that is held responsible for a change?

    (just throwing it out there)..

    Wow Beth, thank you, I guess it's nice to know that life is not all butterflies and rainbows ALL the time..

  5. I'm happy to say that I've never had need to deal with a persistent aggressor. I can't say if that is because I have dealt with the initial problem well, or if I've just been really lucky.

    It does occur to me that a lot of what I see in persistent attacks appears to be of the 'adult bully' variety. We often consider bullying as a childhood problem, but it unfortunately isn't limited by age. Childishness knows no age limit.

  6. Okay.. deep breath.. so I had noticed your posts too but I feel like each person heals on their own.. I know exactly what you're dealing with and it is easy for a person to say to not let it get to you and not post about it and just let it go, but when a person continuously attacks, it's hard. It's hard to find a balance and not feel like by standing by and doing nothing that you're not saying it's okay for them to do it. I have been the brunt of an "adult bully" and even to this day am still attacked by this person. I know her motivations, I know what it's about, but it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

    Here is how I've learned to heal and to deal with it. I started off with putting aside my anger and seeing life through their eyes... and I saw the hurt little child within, and whenever they attack I try to remember they are coming from a place of pain. I mean think about how much pain they must be in (whether they admit it or not) that they spend so much time intentionally hurting others. Usually what we spew on others is really reflecting what we feel towards ourselves. Then, I decided to block that person, and when people would email me and tell me that this person had said such and such I started telling them I appreciate them trying to warn me, but that I don't want to know anymore. It has been wonderful, ignorance really is bliss sometimes, if I don't know they're saying it or doing it, it can't bother me.

    All that sounds simple obviously, but it's not... it was a process that took time. And it continues to take work to stay in a positive frame of mind regarding something when poo keeps getting flung at you LOL.

    We're here for you Moo, and don't beat yourself up about it, just know that you are going through your healing process, and however long that takes, is okay. People don't realize that when someone you're close with does something in a major way to you, a friendship has ended and we mourn whether we realize it or not. Mourning is a process, forgiveness is a process, moving on is a process.. it's all a process that takes time... HUGGSSSSSS

  7. Oh Dawn...Thank you so very much for responding..seriously. I needed to know that truly it's not just myself.

    I am NOT A VICTOM. Let me get that out before some presumptuous jerk throws in his worthless two cents.

    I will work through it. I have confidence that I will. You are right, it is going to take time. Obviously, six months hasn't been long enough, for .. either of us.

    MUAH!! <3