There are things that am I not only told, but people have sent me screen shots. I might be a lot of things, but I am not negative. I don't have time for it, I don't have time for the drama. My anxiety has left me since I made changes in my life back in July. I've lost weight, I don't get the guilt filled emails, accusations, finger pointing, and demands that I once did.
People do change, but I'll never forget being told "I can forgive but I can never forget". I can remember the smiles and buddy system in the lime light, but behind the scenes, the things said about people, the hurtful intentions sent, the frustrations of people not like other people. I even remember (and possibly have emails) where those following the purple Kool-aid maker were talked about in a not so nice manner. I think people would be surprised, very. Their blinders would be melted to puddles of disappointment.
If you have ever seen the movie "Merlin" .. the moment that everyone turned their back on Queen Map, she lost her power. She wasn't thought about, or talked about, and soon she faded away. That is where I am at this moment. If I am being talked about, that is OK with me, because I have moved on. I am at an EXTREMELY enjoyable, fun, comfortable and important time in my life. There is no turning back now, to turn back around and revisit that .. pernicious pool of darkness would cause complete chaos.
It's very easy to portray something you aren't. It's very hard to hold up that persona for a very long time. I'm sure there is intention there, but it is not pure. I know it is not pure, I've seen it with my own eyes, with my own spirit, and sadly with my own soul. Every title in the world does not make you anything more than what you are. Making friends again with the desperate people that you disposed of and betrayed only proves the fact that you are already struggling.
Actually, while I don't respond to their attempts (not to be friends again but to defend their actions that were wrong, misleading and the end result of jumping to conclusions incorrectly), I do rather feel sorry for them. They do not know how to have a true friendship. They want to control every aspect of the relationship, and when things don't happen exactly as they:
- or desire
They accuse, and belittle, lie, manipulate and well, in the end, they still don't see why people flee from them one, after another after another.
I'm glad they have the friends they do. Because they all are living under the same false pretenses. They can rely on each other, include each other in their demeaning plans and try to get that one good "AHA..that felt good" moment. It will catch up to them, eventually. Maybe not now, maybe not while I'm even near, but it will.
In the meantime, I am supported by people that talk to me, that share with me, who are learning with me, they don't expect me to do everything for them, that aren't jealous if I have a true talent, that differs from theirs. I don't get accused of doing something I'm not doing, I don't get criticized, chastised and even my flaws are acknowledged and accepted. I am loved. I am blessed. I'm a great person that people enjoy spending time with and getting to know.
I am enough, and proud of it!
A New Moo!